Time at the Beach

What a gorgeous morning! First morning of my mini weekend getaway. I had a glorious quiet time this morning reading about some of Paul’s journey, basking in the Psalms and then a very personal, emotional and healing time of prayer as I walked the beach. So many emotions, thoughts, revelations ….. and so much beauty! To look out at the open sea, watching fishing boats in the distance, birds catching their breakfast, waves crashing in, sun hitting the sea so beautifully and perfectly …. To look out and see how smooth the water looks, but to watch how large and majestic the waves are that are crashing in onto the beach. All that they bring in and take away. It always amazes me how the ocean views hardly ever change, but so much emotion and thought comes from watching the same scene over and over again. I want to be able to carry those feelings, thoughts and concentration in every scene of life. How hard it is, but how much more rewarding it would be if I could think that clearly all the time – with my focus always on Him. How I long to live that way. I pray that this weekend God speaks to me and gives me insight and focus. That even in the high-paced life I live with 2 small children and a hectic, stressful, busy and complicated path, I can live as peaceful and focused as I feel when I am standing on the beach looking out at the open sea, listening to and watching the waves crash in on me. Still I stand firm, when the waves plow in, bringing debris and taking the ground away, yet cleansing me with the healing salt water. Every day can be lived that same way. I pray that I always remember that feeling. The feeling of the ground washing away, debris being left around me, yet I stand firm, peaceful and cleansed by the power of my all-knowing God and Creator, Lord of my Life – that He is holding me firm – that I am standing on a firm foundation.

Although I didn’t have a camera with me, there are sites I want o always remember. Snapshots in my mind that can always be brought back and remembered. I have always had an interest in photography and hope that one day I will be able to develop that interest. To be able to capture those moments to remember in print would be so wonderful. However, until then I will continue the photography in my mind and enjoy the thoughts and peace that the Lord has given me in those moments. To collect an album of conversations we have had and remember then through the storms. He is my Rock and my Fortress. My Shield and my Sword. My Comfort and Peace. My source of Joy.

Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subsides peoples under me. O Lord, what is man that you care for him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. Part your heavens, O Lord, and come down; touch the mountains, so that they smoke. Send forth lightning and scatter the enemies; shoot your arrows and route them. Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters, from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose hands are deceitful. I will sing a new song to you, O God; on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you, to the One who gives victory to kings, who delivers his servant David from the deadly sword. Deliver me and rescue me from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose hands are deceitful. Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. Our barns will be filled with every kind of provision. Our sheep will increase by thousands, by ten thousands in our fields; our oxen will draw heavy loads. There will be no breach of walls, no going into captivity, no cry of distress in our streets. Blessed are the people of whom this is true; blessed are the people whose God is the Lord.

Psalms 144

“You’re all I want. You’re all I’ve ever needed. You’re all I want. Help me know You are near. Bring me back to You….”

Lion Country Safari

Yesterday we spent the day at Lion Country Safari, a drive-through and walk-through "zoo" of sorts. So fun! We went to the walk-through area first as it was about an hour drive to get there and we wanted to let the kids stretch their legs and play. We had never been, so had no idea what to expect. It is like an amusement park! A little petting zoo, a water play area, feeding the giraffes, merry-go-round, Ferris wheel, mini golf, paddle boats, flying elephant ride, monkeys, birds, alligators.... and we didn't even see all that was there! We were in the park for 4 1/2 hours and still didn't see it all! We had lunch at one of their many picnic areas and then headed back to the car for the drive-through portion.

Animals walking in front of our car, standing by the street, running through fields... I totally loved it! Zebras, rhinos, lions, elephants, more monkeys, all kinds of animals I had never seen before. To be up so close to these animals was inspiring! To see how beautiful a zebra really is! How intricate the designs are on animals. Here are some snapshots of what we did and saw. Enjoy!

Goat is eating Abi's shirt!

To Laugh or Cry.... Maybe Both!

This is the question of the morning. Here is the play-by-play of the morning events:

Girls up at 6 am - nothing new there. Actually, I think maybe they slept in a little! Mark usually gets up with the girls, and I got up at 6:30. I made coffee, made a mental plan for the day, got out activity centers for the girls and got the morning started with crafts. At about 8, Amanda went down for a nap, so I got ready so that right after lunch we could make a trip to Michael's so that we could get some supplies to make puppets and have a puppet show. All looks like a perfect and normal morning!

Amanda wakes up, we have lunch, I get the bag together and we head to Michael's with our list! We found everything that we needed and all looks well for a quick trip to the craft store and back home in time for nap! We get the the truck, I put the key in to get the air running while I load in the kids, and this is what I hear, "click click click click......." This is NOT GOOD! I try again, almost in disbelief. I mean, this can't really be happening, right? Everything has been so perfect! I have 2 small children, it is 100 degrees outside and not a cloud in site, my husband is in back-to-back meetings at least 30 minutes or more away, my father-in-law is out, and my mother-in-law is in Jury duty today!! I call Mark on the off chance that he is actually close by, but no such luck. I go back into Michael's to ask if anyone can help jump my truck. "I have the jumper cables," I said, "but I need another car." One very sweet, young girl offered but another employee talked her out of it (right in front of me) and told me to call Pep Boys across the parking lot. NO offer of a number or phone book, so I guess they were expecting me to shout over there or walk? Across the parking lot is quite a distance - it is at the complete other side of the strip mall and you can't see it from Michael's. Did I mention that it is 100 degrees outside? I sit, with 2 VERY tired, hot little girls on a bench inside Michael's and look up Pep Boys on my iPhone. Sounds handy, but the internet is painfully slow. I finally get a number and all I get is an automated service! I have to run out of the store to wait for a human being as Amanda is beginning to scream. I can't really hear the man who finally answers, but I ask if someone can come jump my truck as I am right across the parking lot and he very rudely replied, "I don't know. You need to talk to someone in the service department" and transferred me before I could say anything else. Another man picked up and I repeated everything to him. His answer, "No, we can only help you if you bring the car to the service area. You'll have to find someone to help you." Umm, okay, well let me just go pick it up with one arm and my 2 girls in the other in the 100 degree weather and I'll be right there!!!! Seriously? I was calling YOU for help! Okay, Now come the tears. Abi is saying to me, "Oh no! How are we going to get home? We can't get home. We have to wait for daddy." I went back into the air conditioned Michael's with the girls for a few and she told everyone in there that we have to wait for daddy.

The phone rings and it is Mark. Gene is on the way! A friend and neighbor from down the street who just got into town yesterday. I looked out and there was an empty parking spot right next to the truck! Thank you, Jesus! I ran over and parked the stroller in it. Mark sent me his number and I called, told him where I was and that I had a parking spot right next to me. My instructions were to have the cables ready and everything set as he had a meeting across town in about 45 minutes. I can do that! I can pop the hood, hook up the cables and be ready! I go inside the truck, pull the lever, hear it release and go to the front and look for another lever in the grill that I know is supposed to be there. Can't find it. Go back to make sure that the hood from inside is actually released, it is, and look again. Out of desperation, I call Mark and interrupt his meeting to ask where the lever is. I still can't find it!! He told me not to worry, that Gene would know. A lady pulled in across from me and when she got out of her truck asked me if I had someone coming to help jump my truck. I told her that there was indeed someone coming and thanked her for asking. Then another nice lady stops me as I am trying again to find the lever in the grill and says, "you pop it from INSIDE the truck." In my already sarcastic, hot, frazzled head I was thinking, "No kidding!" but instead I smiled and calmly thanked her, and told her I have already done that, that there is another lever in the grill that is supposed to release the rest of it. She looked but didn't know either. So a great big shout out and thank you to the women out there! They actually care to stop and help! Unlike the TWO policemen who drove by separately, saw me standing there with the girls in the stroller and jumper cables in hand and just kept going, or the guy standing outside Michael's watching my melt down and the antics of trying to figure everything out and asked me, "ma'am, would you like to buy....." I seriously don't understand people sometimes. Anyway, I wait.

Amanda wants up, so I let her walk for a minute..... until she wants to run away in the parking lot! Back into the stroller. Yay!! I see him! "Everyone in the stroller! He is here! I am so proud of you both! You have been so patient and understanding, even in the heat! If you can sit here patiently for just a few more minutes, we will be on our way! I am SOOOO proud of you!"

Gene parks, comes to help open the hood and he can't find it either. Out of shear desperation, I grab the corner of the hood and yank it up. HA!! There is the lever! Up goes the hood and out of Gene's mouth pours, "This battery is toast. I don't know if it is going to even start." He is a very calm man, so everything he said was very calm. I, on the other hand, am NOT that calm, especially at this moment. I quickly respond with, "It is clicking, so it's not totally shot yet." Yippee!!! A glimmer of hope! As I head to the driver's seat to start the car, he tells me to wait a minute. Then he gives me the okay. Here goes!!! And....... YES! It starts! I come around the truck to thank him, and here is his response, "On the corner of Davie and ....., there is a place called International Battery. Go straight there and tell them to put in a new battery. Whatever you do, do NOT turn off the truck." Do not pass Go, do not collect $100, just go! I thanked him so very much, loaded the girls up, went through a drive-thru to get some water for everyone as we were out of drinks and it is 100 degrees outside (have I mentioned that yet?) and then came home instead. I needed to get the girls cooled off and to bed. We got home and as I was getting Abi out of the car Abi said, "That was fun with Grampa Gene!" I chuckled and said, "yes, it was!" Then we got inside I sat girls down under the ceiling fan with their reward lollipops and 1 show, and then off to bed. Ahhhhh, air conditioned home and sleeping girls.

So, while I should be planning dinner and getting everything together, I am sitting here blogging instead! I just might find a movie next. Or maybe figure out dinner :-)

Daddy's Girl

I know it is late for a "Father's Day" post, but I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Abi is such a daddy's girls. She always has been. As soon as he comes home, Abi is following him like a shadow - talking a mile a minute. "Help me with..., Let's go for a walk...", always wanting to know where he is and to get to him and talk, hug, sit with... you name it. While he is at work, she often says, "I miss daddy." She wants to be with him all the time. There is nothing sweeter that seeing this kind of special relationship between a daddy and his daughter.

True to form, I find it so inspiring and humbling. I think about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I watch Abi and listen to her and think, "How did I become so far from my Father? What can't I be a Daddy's girls like she is?" How easy it is for her to think about her daddy all day long and has so much to say to him when he gets home. Why isn't it that easy for me to remember and think of God that way all through my day? I used to. And then life got so incredibly busy. However, I should never be too busy for my Father. He is the One who carries me, comforts me, leads me..... How I long to be a Daddy's girl. To be so anxious to run and jump into His lap to talk, sit, pray.... just be. To study His Word with Him. To spend every moment that I can with Him.

This is the desire of my heart. To be close to Him. I think in the midst of my restlessness, I realize even more how much time I waste when I could be talking with the Lord and discussing my life and the direction He has planned out for us. THIS should be my focus. THIS is my desire. HE is my focus.

I know many say that when you have children some things get pushed to the back burner - that there is too much going on to be able to have a consistent quiet time. I am so unsettled by that comment every time I hear it. God is #1 on the list of priorities. He needs to be. Without Him we are lost, stressed and out of control. It is a necessity to make sure you make time for Him each day. Schedule the time. Make a point to schedule a meeting with Him every day. His date book is wide open, ready to meet with us all the time... any time! He is waiting for us. For me. He is waiting for me right now. So I leave my blog now to go be with Him. My Daddy. To curl up and become a Daddy's Girl......

Restless and at Peace

The past several weeks I have become restless. I love being a full-time mom, but I am restless. I feel like I am supposed to be doing more, yet am not sure what that is or how I am supposed to fit it in. However, in a continued effort to not stress about planning I am trying to do more processing of what this all means.... personal reflection on why I am restless. Am I being prepped for something more? Is God preparing me for something new? Only time will tell, but in the mean time I remain prayerful and look forward to seeing what unfolds.

What re some thoughts running through my head and heart? Well, there is my desire to sing again, although I have been out of it for so long that I need to start practicing at home ad in the car to retrain my voice and get it back. However, my life-long passion for orphans has been on the forefront of my mind. I can't stop thinking about it!!! About the children. About how I can fit into all of that while raising my 2 little girls. I often feel guilty about thinking so much about that while I am raising my girls. But I can't turn it off! I cannot begin to express how deep my passion runs for children who have been orphaned and placed in foster care. I believe it is so important that all children know that they are not mistakes! That God has a plan for them - they were planned from the beginning. That their circumstances don't have to be who they are... that we each have the opportunity to respond to our circumstances ..... "that who are is 10% what happens to us and 90% what we do with what happens to us." Sure, those who are orphaned and/or placed into foster care may have some heavy obstacles to overcome, but they can indeed be overcome! There is nothing stopping these children from having successful, extraordinary lives. Their lives just have different hurdles than others. the bottom line is this - we all have hurdles. We all have things to overcome. But I believe these children need an extraordinary amount of love and encouragement given to them. To be raised without a mom and/or dad is so hard! To start out feeling like you don't fit in or already have the odds stacked against you - like you are raising yourself with no one to guide you. These children all deserve the same opportunities as anyone else. The same love as any other child. The same promise of eternal life. I feel it is out responsibility to reach out to these children and give them that love. Give them that sense of security, the "I do belong here" feeling.

So the prayer continues. What does all of this mean? How will this fit in? What will it look like? All thoughts that will become more clear with time. But until then, I remain prayerful and continue to live life with my family, making sure to enjoy the moments I am given with them. To be the mom and wife I am called to be. To enjoy life as it comes and to take advantage of the time that I have with my family. Life is too short. We are only given this one chance to experience the life we have been given. To remain prayerful about the stirs of the heart, to remain aware of the precious moments we are given with our families, to remain prayerful about all who do not have this opportunity - either as a parent or a child, and to be at peace with all of these blessings.

Joys of Life

I am listening to the sweet sounds of Abi and Amanda talking back and forth before they lay their heads to rest. This has become the final piece of their bedtime routine before they sleep - nap time and bedtime. I love it! It is a very sweet sound to listen to at the end of a busy day.

So much is going through my mind these days. How quickly life goes by, how many moments I miss out on each day because I am thinking about how to get everything done, how many obstacles are placed in our path daily - some high, some low, what kinds of projects and games to do with the girls hat will be educational, fun, character building...... when does the mind just rest so that we can just live in the moment! I have become so consumed with how to make life run "properly" that I am forgetting to LIVE LIFE! We get this one opportunity to live our lives and I am so busy planning that I don't have time to live! It does me no good to have the perfect plan if I can't put it into practice.

In the midst of my plan to stop planning, I have also felt the need to purge and organize. Downsize. I think my friend Jessica kind of jump started the organization and downsizing. I wish I had taken before and after pictures like she did! You would be amazed at my latest transformation!! You can check out Jessica's story by clicking on her link on the right-hand side of my page. She has an amazing story about finally reaching the other side of infertility and now shares her ongoing story of life "on the other side."

Back to the downsizing :-) I cannot believe how free and peaceful it feels to have so much less around me. If it doesn't have a place to go, it doesn't come in the room. And "on top of a surface area" does not count as "a place to go!"

And then there are the obstacles. I can't currently share all that is going on in our lives, but I think it is safe to say that there are more obstacles before we jump over the first one - it seems to be one loooonnngg jump over the miles and miles of continuous, shoulder to shoulder hurdles. However, I can honestly say that I have never felt so peaceful in the midst of the storm. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's hand is over us, that we are "hiding in the Shadow of the Almighty," and basking in the Joy that Is and Is to Come! Mark and I have reached a point where I think we just laugh when something else comes up. Shear exhaustion? Maybe. But I think more than anything it is just another hurdle that proves that God is in control and only He can bring this to fruition - it is truly His plan. The tie-in? All the planning in the world won't change the Ultimate Plan God has for each of us. I can rest my head at night knowing that we are not in control. We can try all we want, but the more we try to take control, to more chaotic life will be and the more moments we will lose trying to figure it all out. Should be have a basic plan? Absolutely! We can't just swing from vine to vine without a care in the world and no responsibility. However, don't get too attached to the plan you make. Be ready for flexibility. You never know where this wild ride will take you. But I do know this - it will be an exciting and adventurous ride! Just don't forget to enjoy it along the way! I know that I don't want to ever think, "I wish I had just......." Take the time to enjoy and live life. I am slowly learning to live in the moment and take it all in. I have a long way to go, but I am on my way....

My Heart Is Full

This morning, I caught up on the happenings of long-lost friends.  They are adopting!!!!  To hear (or rather read) their story brings so many emotions.  Joy, laughter, tears, excitement, awe... you name it, I felt it during 2 very short little videos.  

What struck me more than anything while reading and watching these stories is how amazing God is!!!!  I know this, yet every time I hear these kids of stories I am reminded all over again like  it is the first time I am seeing and beginning to understand how BIG God is and how MUCH He loves and takes care of us.  Let me give you a little snippet....

This wonderful family heard from God on a specific date that they were going to adopt.  One big problem - it is very expensive and they are on a very tight budget.  They began to pray and trusting God for His provision and families started donating!  One family gave a very sizable donation ($15,000)!!!!  So began the paper work.  Papers got lost, prayers from friends that the papers would rise to the top of someone's desk at the agency came and up popped the papers the very next day!!!  Court was scheduled quickly and everything was a go!  Then came pictures of their precious little girl who was waiting for them.  How awesome is it that God would have timed everything just so in order that this wonderful, American family would end up with this specific little girl from Ethiopia - that He planned this from the beginning and allowed some short obstacles to remind all of us that this appointment has been ordained by GOD!  The power of prayer - After so many years apart, I feel very close to them.  It is all due to the power of prayer and the closeness of God.  He can bridge so many miles and years.  

I have always had a heart for foster care and adoption, so all of these stories have a special pull for me.  However, I don't understand how people can hear stories like these and not believe in God!  Only He can orchestrate all of these happenings.  And I totally believe with all of my heart that no child, no person, is an accident.  God has purpose for each and every birth and life.  It is our duty to pray for all of these lives - lives we will never see or cross paths.  And when we DO cross the path of one of these precious lives, children who are orphaned or seemly unwanted, that we encourage them, support them and let them know that there is purpose in their lives.  "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with what happens to you." 

Well, I will break with that for now.....