Moments

Really? It's been almost a month since I have been here? I often think so much about "blog material" during the days I guess I think I actually write them down. Darn! Lots of material now forgotten! I will seriously try to be better about it all. I know, I know. Been there, said that... but really want to try.

So.... moments. I have really been low on patience these past several weeks.... maybe even months. I used to have boat loads of patience. I don't know what it is, really. Although I have started on birth control to try to figure out what may be causing all of my discomfort since having my second c-section. That could very well be the culprit! In any case, I have noticed how quickly I just run out of patience with my sweet girls. They are so smart that I think I expect way more from them than their little 1 1/2 and 3-year-old selves can take. I am trying to make more teaching moments than discipline moments, but man is it hard. Sometime you just lose it. I raise my voice, they get upset, tears are coming from both sides and what have we gained? NOTHING! All that has happen is that we have lost a moment (or a few) that we can never get back.

Last night we were at a party to celebrate a friend who is moving back home. I was talking to the host, someone I have only met once, and we were talking about taking advantage of the moments we have with our children. He said to me, "these are times we will never get back. Cherish every moment!" He has been talking with his wife about these very same things. She is a sweet friend and a GREAT mother. She is also a stay-at-home mom right now. As I continued talking with her husband, he shared that he has a 16-year-old daughter and he thinks back to some memories with her and realizes she is now too big to have those same experiences with. However, he has those memories. He cherishes those memories and moments shared. He doesn't want to miss anything with his son and new baby girl. And he is such an encourager to really find your patience with your children, understanding first-hand how quickly time really does go by and how there is no way to get lost moments back.

Then I find out that my sweet friend (his wife) attended a seminar on "Intentional Parenting." Okay, just the name is enough to make you step back and think about what how you are raising your children, how you react to situations and what your goals are. Is it survival? Or are you in it to really teach them to love God and people? What life is really about and how to live as Christ? What are your parenting goals?

WOW! I went to celebrate a friend and in the process, God has shown me that He had additional plans in my attendance. I can say that I am MORE than excited to have a play date with this sweet friend and to hear about her 8 pages of notes from her seminar. I don't think you can ever have too much information or ideas when it comes to parenting. I am reading a book on parenting right now that I will write about when I finish and I will say that while I don't agree with everything I read (outside of the Bible), I think that anything that makes you think about the reasons why you do things and process through what really matters is worth the read. More on that later.

In any case, take some time to really consider what your goals are as a parent. How you can achieve them. And try to remember to cherish and enjoy every moment with those sweet children. It is not always easy, but I have begun praying for that very thing each morning and throughout each day. Why am I surprised by how much easier it is to take a breath and work through it when I pray? Jesus is with me and in me, and He will continue to guide me through this awesome journey and privilege. What an honor to be called to parent my two beautiful, smart, sweet girls. I really don't want to mess this up. Especially now that I am discovering what tweens and teens talk about these days. That's a story for another entry....

"I See Jesus!"

As I lay here trying to fall asleep, I am struck by a few things. I just finished watching the Hallmark movie titled, "The Note." Very sweet story of a columnist who tries to find the person to whom a note was written in the last few minutes before a plane crashed. Now I am a sucker for Hallmark movies. Especially the ones that come out during the Christmas holidays. This one struck a deep chord with me though. Really got me thinking about a lot of things.

First, this widowed columnist is about to lose her job/column if she doesn't bring in more readers by Christmas. Just as she is receiving this information, they learn that a plane has just crashed in the river. Her first thoughts were that it really puts everything into perspective. So many families just lost loved ones and didn't know it was coming. Could happen to any of us. Then as she sits by the water processing through it all and remembering deeply hidden pains of her own, she finds a note folded and in a zip lock bag containing cookie crumbs - right next to a piece of a life jacket that was from the crash. She sets out to find the proper recipient for this note. Hang with me here. I know it is just a movie, but so much can be taken from these stories!

As the story progresses, she finds three potential people (the letter was only addressed to "T" so the list became a short list quickly). As she visits each one she discovers something about herself and is able to not only be a ear for the person she is visiting, but is also to open up and let go of a tiny little piece of herself. Things that have been bottled up inside for years. It turns out her husband was killed in an accident while she was pregnant, went through a deep depression and tried to take her life - while pregnant. She ended up having a baby girl and after social services took her (because of her illness at the time and not being able to care for her), her father talked her into giving her up for adoption. She never knew what happened to her daughter, never looked for her and seemingly never really thought about it - at least on the surface. Well, I am sure you know where this is going. Come on! It's Hallmark! Just as the columnist was about to "get scooped" by a national television station, a young girl came to her and told her the note was for her. After showing her a sample of her father's handwriting she not only had proof that she was the true recipient of the note, but it turns out that this was the columnist's daughter too.

So here is why I can't stop my brain from turning. yes, this is "just a movie." But is it? Think about it. This could totally happen! Because God is THAT big. Each step was planed out and ordained by God. He is the one who causes people's paths to cross when they do and He is the one who plans each step. He is purposeful, meticulous, detail-oriented, and just subtle enough (sometimes) that you can hardly believe what just happened. I started thinking about stories I have heard over the past few months where people have discovered family they never knew existed. There was one story I think I wrote about this summer about the 70-something year-old woman who just discovered she had siblings. God has a way of bringing things and people full circle. Sometimes we don't even realize it is right in front of us.

So now you are maybe wondering about the title of this post. The girls have been very excited about the Manger scenes this Christmas season, always looking for baby Jesus. Amanda always gets so excited that she shouts, "I see Jesus!" Now that people are taking down the decorations, she still remembers where she saw Jesus. As we were driving today Amanda shouted from the back seat, "Mommy! I see Jesus!" You know what? She did see Jesus. And she sees Him all the time. He is everywhere. If we could only have that mindset all the time. To know His presence with us and around us all the time. What a great reminder for me. For us. To just "see Jesus."

Christmas Cards

Okay, so as I continue to get Christmas cards in the mail, I am starting to feel guilty about not sending them this year. Why is that? I didn't want to go through the stress of getting everyone together (and happy) for a picture, pick out the best shot, pick out a card, get it printed, update the list, print labels, stuff envelopes, seal envelopes, stamp envelopes, take them to the post office.... okay so now that I am typing it all out I am starting to feel less guilty. It is a lot of time consuming work to get these out! This year I just didn't seem to have the time. Is that bad? Am I a stinker for not making it a priority?

I just felt this year that there were more important things. As I write this I feel a bit selfish. The truth is I wanted and needed to take that time to make sure my family was cared for, my children had the tools they needed for life and discipline and to help them understand the relaxed, yet exciting, meaning of Christmas - the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. I have not done a perfect job with any of it, but I have been able to do more than I could have if I had put my mind elsewhere. So for that I am thankful!

Like so many, this time of year is exciting yet a struggle. Do we do "Christmas" like everyone else, complete with Santa, or do we figure out our own thing. I am leaning more and more toward figuring out our own thing. After reading a couple of blogs and listening to my own heart, I really don't want to go down the "Santa" road. I know this may stir some feathers, but I just don't think it is for us. I am not saying it is wrong, I just think it comes down to personal decision and what people feel is right for their families.

Like another friend mentioned, Jesus was not actually born on December 25. However, it is the only time of the year that is set aside to recognize this miraculous gift. The greatest gift ever given. The one and only gift that has freed us all from our sins, cleansed us and offers eternal life. This is something to be celebrated!

Will I decorate? Yes! I love the decorations and I don't want to give that up. I do want to have a stronger focus on the reason that we celebrate though. Presents? We will most likely continue this, but maybe tone it down.

So on that note, have a wonderful Christmas! Celebrate the birth of Jesus, all that it meant and all that it means today!!! That should be enough to excite you and make you jump up off the chair you are sitting in while reading this!

Back to Reality

Well, the girls and I have been back home for about a week and a half after taking a 3-week trip to see friends and family. So fun! I really cannot believe how great the girls were traveling. Very few meltdowns. We traveled about 3600 miles, so that says a lot.

Now that we are back home, I am faced with reality. We need to get back into a routine, Mark is busier than ever with the business, holidays are here, organization seems to be a thing of the past and the girls are really challenging every part of my being. So in the midst of getting everyone back on schedule and taming the tantrums of 3 and 1 1/2 year olds, I am also trying to rediscover myself. It seems that I have lost sight of the things that I once had a passion for. Things that gave me energy instead of draining it. I love my children so very much, but I think we all know that being a Mom is the hardest, most draining job on the planet and we all need an outlet. I am looking forward to rediscovering those outlets for myself... and maybe discovering new ones!

Did I mention that I am also trying to tame tantrums? My sweet Abigail seems to really be testing every boundary know to children. I am convinced she is actually making new boundaries - or at least trying. I feel like the most mean Mom in the world! She screamed for an hour and a half straight before finally falling asleep. And I mean at the top of her lungs, ready to throw up and I will be shocked if she has any kind of voice when she wakes up. I am so very thankful that Amanda actually slept through it - by the Grace of God. There is no other way she would have been able to sleep. My heart breaks because I sit and wonder how I could have helped avoid it. But I can't rest there. All I can do is be proactive and begin to try new things and see what works - what helps all of us.

I am moving toward disciple chart, complete with House Rules, tailored to her age. It will have to be a daily chart to start - week long charts are too much right now. I need to be able to break up each day, not rate a whole day with one score. At this point it would be too defeating. Baby steps. She has some nice/fun gifts for Christmas, but she may not get them on Friday. She has to earn her rewards and right now I am so sad that I don't feel she has earned them yet. Maybe by Friday? I also don't want to be too harsh. She is indeed 3 and there is so much going on in their sweet heads and bodies. I will be very quick to reward, but I have a feeling this will be a long road ahead.

The fun news? She is recently into Fancy Nancy and I am basing the whole chart on that! Be Respectful - that's fancy for Be Kind To Others. We can decorate, add stickers, feathers, glitter, etc. to the chart as she improves and make strides toward maintaining a happy heart! I think I may actually print out Fancy Nancy's empty bedroom and we can decorate that to view the progress. This might take the edge off the process.

I welcome any and all ideas, so feel free to respond and post your thoughts and things that have worked for you! Have a wonderful Christmas! Be blessed as we celebrate the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Little Helpers

My girls absolutely love to help out. Most children do. The most recent events are setting the table, cooking/baking, laundry and cleaning the table after we eat. I think what amazes me most about these little helpers is their enthusiasm to do it. Almost begging to help out!

When it is time to eat, Abi jumps up and says, "Can I help you set the table? What do we do first?" I give her plates first and she takes them over and carefully sets them in each place. Then I hear, "What do we need next?" She then sets out forks and spoons. Then I hear, "How about napkins next!" Out go the napkins. Once everything is ready she sits at the table and asks if there is anything else she can do. Tonight, Amanda was feeling a little left out, apparently. She came into the kitchen, opened up a cabinet, looked around, found a plastic, yellow bowl (matched her plate), pulled it out, said "bowl!" and ran to put it on the table. Once it was there she said, "I did it!" while clapping and smiling. So cute!

Cooking and baking. Abi is really into this these days. Yesterday we made pretzels and she helped knead the dough and shape the pretzels. It was a first for both of us which was so special - I had never made pretzels before either. When we get ready to make something, the first thing I hear is, "How do we start? I know! Let's find a recipe. You can look online." Then once we get our recipe and gather all of our ingredients Abi asks, "what do we put in first?" She asks that about each step and is so excited and enthusiastic about making anything and everything. When Mark got home last night she went through the whole process of making the pretzels, "First we pressed the dough. The we let it rest. then we rolled it out into snakes and made shapes! Then we boiled them and baked them!" I couldn't believe she remembered the whole process. Anything that she gets to mix or crack eggs into she loves! Pancakes, muffins, popovers... you name it. She also likes to help when I make chicken fingers - she gets to shake the bag! Amanda helped with that tonight too. It is so heart-warming to watch how excited and proud they are when they get to help with something like that.

Laundry - this is more Amanda's thing. Abi used to like to "fold" when she was younger. She would pick up something out of the basket and walk around shaking it out. Amanda runs for the washer every time I open the door. Before I can get anything sorted she is on her tip toes putting clothes into the washer. She can't see anything, but she knows if she pushes far enough, the clothes will go in :-)

Cleaning the table. this is also more of Amanda's thing. she got so upset with me the other day because I wouldn't let her have the cloth with the Windex on it to help clean the table! I gave her a cloth with water on it and she got so excited and cleaned the whole table - as much as she could reach. She also like to help me pick up, especially if we sing the clean up song from Dora.

Abi likes to help pick up and put things away too. As we were leaving Mema and Papa's house the other night, she saw that Mema was putting away a little table and chairs. Before we knew it Abi was carrying in a little folding chair too! It was big for her to carry, but she wanted to do it all by herself. "I will be ready in a minute. I just need to take this to my room." How can you rush that? We happily waited.

I am just in awe of the natural tendency toward servanthood in children. I know that children like to be "big" and many think they just want to feel like they are big girls, but I think children are born with a natural sense to help and serve - a heart of compassion. It is fostered and developed through our parenting, but I truly believe they have a God-given gift and tendency toward serving and loving. So many times I wish I could be more like them! I feel like they teach me so much more than I teach them. And I believe God has purposefully planned that as well. To bring our tainted minds, thoughts and actions back to the innocent way we began. My children are constant reminders of how much God loves me, protects me, provides for me and waits for me. It is all in the perspective in which I choose to look at it. More often then I like to admit, I get more frustrated than anything - my patience is so not what it used to be. However, I am going to make a personal goal to really take everything into perspective and look at the big picture. There are lessons for me in every one of these challenges. I know I will fail, but that also is part of the big picture. So, here I go onto another adventure and challenge. Many more will follow, but for now I will aim to stay calm and patient and look at the big picture. BIG breaths........

Recreating Memories

When I was young, we (my sister, brother and I) spent a lot of time at my grandparents' house. My mom's parents were about a mile or so away and since my mom was a single mom, we spent a lot of time at their house while my mom worked. A memory I don't think i will ever forget is the gigantic vegetable garden my grandmother had. She grew everything - tomatoes, zucchini, squash, green beans, snap sugar peas, peppers, carrots... you name it. And boy did she have a green thumb! You should have seen all the African Violets she always had! They were gorgeous! They are so hard to keep and she did it like the pro she has always been. Grandma used to send us out to the garden to pick the vegetables (after she taught us how to tell if they were ripe and how to pick them) and when it was time for the beans and peas, I think we ate more off the plants than we brought inside! Then once we got inside, we would prepare them.

For the beans, there were 2 bowls - 1 for the snapped ends and 1 for the ready-to-eat beans. We had so much fun sitting on the porch together and snapping the beans! And we LOVED to eat them raw. They are so much better that way. She would often come out and let us know that we needed to stop eating them so that there were enough for dinner.

And then the peas. How much fun it was to pop those open and slide our finger down the inside to get the peas out! That is, is we didn't eat the whole pod first! And then to eat those raw peas... I feel like I am sitting there right now, all of us laughing while Grandma watched from the kitchen window (monitoring how many we were eating so that there were enough for dinner). Such a beautiful memory for so many reasons.

I don't think my Grandma really minded how many we were eating before hand. What a great way to introduce so many things to your kids! Not only introducing vegetables to kids, but also a work ethic and hands-on experience with how to begin to cook. We couldn't do the cooking itself, but we helped and children LOVE to eat things that they helped make. I got to share this story with Abi this morning as I was bringing the girls home from the fruit and vegetable stand. They love to go here with me and each time they get to pick something "new." Last time we went (we go a couple of times a week) Abi picked out kiwi. While she wasn't crazy about it, she tried it and ate it because she got to pick it out. Today she wanted starfruit, but they were out. Next time. So instead I asked her if she would like to pick a bag of green beans or a basket up snap sugar peas. She wanted to pick a basket of sugar peas. I told her to look over them and pick any one she wanted. She was so excited and handed me the one she thought looked best. Amanda picked a couple of little oranges (something neither one of my girls have cared for) so Abi also picked a couple she wanted. On the way home as I shared my childhood story with her she said, "I can't WAIT to get home and pop those sugar peas! Do they taste like sugar?" I told her, "You'll have to taste and see! Then you can let me know what you think they taste like!" She excitedly told me again that she couldn't wait!

Once we got home I washed the peas, put them in a bowl and took them to the table. I showed her how to pop them open and find the peas inside. I wish you could have heard her sweet giggle. She was so excited to try one she could only giggle! After trying one the next thing I knew the whole bowl was just about empty! She hardly touched anything else on her plate. Amanda wasn't so interested in the raw peas. In all honesty, green vegetables have always been popular with my girls. Peas, green beans, broccoli..... they love all of them. I wasn't surprised that Abi gobbled them up, but to share my experience with her is what made it so wonderful.

So here are a couple of take-aways. Take your children to the local farmer's market or produce stand and let them pick out some things to take home and try. Plant a garden - let them help plant the seeds or plants and take care of the garden, pick the produce and prepare it for meals. Find some positive experiences from your childhood that make you smile and find a way to recreate those or share those with your children. It creates a way for you to connect with your children and remember precious moments you experienced as a child. If you don't have any of these memories, create your own! These moments are so sweet and there is so much joy in watching the wonder of a child experience something new and feel like they are a part of something bigger.

I hope to one day have a place where I can have the girls help plant a garden, take care of it and pull the produce off to eat. How wonderful that will be! To plant a seed, cultivate it and watch it grow. There are such deep roots in those thoughts ...... how we plant physical seeds and watch physical plants grow, but also how we weave in the planting of spiritual seeds and watch our children grow in faith to know Jesus. These are the moments that make all the tears and frustration melt away. The bigger purpose. Raising children to love and honor God. What an honor to be called "mother."

Quiet for a Moment

Fr just a moment, it is quiet this morning in the house. Mark has gone to work and I have an unusual occurrence.... both girls are still sleeping! Abi was up from 2 am until about 6 or 6:30 am. Amanda woke up at 12:30 or 1 am and then again at 5 am. She is cutting all 4 molars at the moment. I finally got her back to sleep after a little snack and some milk, so she is resting on our bed. A week or 2 ago I so longed for a morning of quiet. Today I have been granted just that. And what a beautiful morning it is!

Amanda just sat up, looked out at me smiled and threw herself down onto the bed. Here she comes! Lord, thank you for the few moments of quiet this morning. Help me know how to raise the girls today. How to talk with, discipline, help them. Give me patience and compassion. Help us all to have happy, respectful, compassionate hearts toward one another. Cover us with Grace, Peace, Joy, Love and surround us with all that is You. We praise you again today and thank you for all you are, all you have done and all that you continue to do. We give you today and ask that you bless it, guide us through it and help us see the Joy in each moment you give us today. Thank you!