"I See Jesus!"

As I lay here trying to fall asleep, I am struck by a few things. I just finished watching the Hallmark movie titled, "The Note." Very sweet story of a columnist who tries to find the person to whom a note was written in the last few minutes before a plane crashed. Now I am a sucker for Hallmark movies. Especially the ones that come out during the Christmas holidays. This one struck a deep chord with me though. Really got me thinking about a lot of things.

First, this widowed columnist is about to lose her job/column if she doesn't bring in more readers by Christmas. Just as she is receiving this information, they learn that a plane has just crashed in the river. Her first thoughts were that it really puts everything into perspective. So many families just lost loved ones and didn't know it was coming. Could happen to any of us. Then as she sits by the water processing through it all and remembering deeply hidden pains of her own, she finds a note folded and in a zip lock bag containing cookie crumbs - right next to a piece of a life jacket that was from the crash. She sets out to find the proper recipient for this note. Hang with me here. I know it is just a movie, but so much can be taken from these stories!

As the story progresses, she finds three potential people (the letter was only addressed to "T" so the list became a short list quickly). As she visits each one she discovers something about herself and is able to not only be a ear for the person she is visiting, but is also to open up and let go of a tiny little piece of herself. Things that have been bottled up inside for years. It turns out her husband was killed in an accident while she was pregnant, went through a deep depression and tried to take her life - while pregnant. She ended up having a baby girl and after social services took her (because of her illness at the time and not being able to care for her), her father talked her into giving her up for adoption. She never knew what happened to her daughter, never looked for her and seemingly never really thought about it - at least on the surface. Well, I am sure you know where this is going. Come on! It's Hallmark! Just as the columnist was about to "get scooped" by a national television station, a young girl came to her and told her the note was for her. After showing her a sample of her father's handwriting she not only had proof that she was the true recipient of the note, but it turns out that this was the columnist's daughter too.

So here is why I can't stop my brain from turning. yes, this is "just a movie." But is it? Think about it. This could totally happen! Because God is THAT big. Each step was planed out and ordained by God. He is the one who causes people's paths to cross when they do and He is the one who plans each step. He is purposeful, meticulous, detail-oriented, and just subtle enough (sometimes) that you can hardly believe what just happened. I started thinking about stories I have heard over the past few months where people have discovered family they never knew existed. There was one story I think I wrote about this summer about the 70-something year-old woman who just discovered she had siblings. God has a way of bringing things and people full circle. Sometimes we don't even realize it is right in front of us.

So now you are maybe wondering about the title of this post. The girls have been very excited about the Manger scenes this Christmas season, always looking for baby Jesus. Amanda always gets so excited that she shouts, "I see Jesus!" Now that people are taking down the decorations, she still remembers where she saw Jesus. As we were driving today Amanda shouted from the back seat, "Mommy! I see Jesus!" You know what? She did see Jesus. And she sees Him all the time. He is everywhere. If we could only have that mindset all the time. To know His presence with us and around us all the time. What a great reminder for me. For us. To just "see Jesus."

Christmas Cards

Okay, so as I continue to get Christmas cards in the mail, I am starting to feel guilty about not sending them this year. Why is that? I didn't want to go through the stress of getting everyone together (and happy) for a picture, pick out the best shot, pick out a card, get it printed, update the list, print labels, stuff envelopes, seal envelopes, stamp envelopes, take them to the post office.... okay so now that I am typing it all out I am starting to feel less guilty. It is a lot of time consuming work to get these out! This year I just didn't seem to have the time. Is that bad? Am I a stinker for not making it a priority?

I just felt this year that there were more important things. As I write this I feel a bit selfish. The truth is I wanted and needed to take that time to make sure my family was cared for, my children had the tools they needed for life and discipline and to help them understand the relaxed, yet exciting, meaning of Christmas - the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. I have not done a perfect job with any of it, but I have been able to do more than I could have if I had put my mind elsewhere. So for that I am thankful!

Like so many, this time of year is exciting yet a struggle. Do we do "Christmas" like everyone else, complete with Santa, or do we figure out our own thing. I am leaning more and more toward figuring out our own thing. After reading a couple of blogs and listening to my own heart, I really don't want to go down the "Santa" road. I know this may stir some feathers, but I just don't think it is for us. I am not saying it is wrong, I just think it comes down to personal decision and what people feel is right for their families.

Like another friend mentioned, Jesus was not actually born on December 25. However, it is the only time of the year that is set aside to recognize this miraculous gift. The greatest gift ever given. The one and only gift that has freed us all from our sins, cleansed us and offers eternal life. This is something to be celebrated!

Will I decorate? Yes! I love the decorations and I don't want to give that up. I do want to have a stronger focus on the reason that we celebrate though. Presents? We will most likely continue this, but maybe tone it down.

So on that note, have a wonderful Christmas! Celebrate the birth of Jesus, all that it meant and all that it means today!!! That should be enough to excite you and make you jump up off the chair you are sitting in while reading this!

Back to Reality

Well, the girls and I have been back home for about a week and a half after taking a 3-week trip to see friends and family. So fun! I really cannot believe how great the girls were traveling. Very few meltdowns. We traveled about 3600 miles, so that says a lot.

Now that we are back home, I am faced with reality. We need to get back into a routine, Mark is busier than ever with the business, holidays are here, organization seems to be a thing of the past and the girls are really challenging every part of my being. So in the midst of getting everyone back on schedule and taming the tantrums of 3 and 1 1/2 year olds, I am also trying to rediscover myself. It seems that I have lost sight of the things that I once had a passion for. Things that gave me energy instead of draining it. I love my children so very much, but I think we all know that being a Mom is the hardest, most draining job on the planet and we all need an outlet. I am looking forward to rediscovering those outlets for myself... and maybe discovering new ones!

Did I mention that I am also trying to tame tantrums? My sweet Abigail seems to really be testing every boundary know to children. I am convinced she is actually making new boundaries - or at least trying. I feel like the most mean Mom in the world! She screamed for an hour and a half straight before finally falling asleep. And I mean at the top of her lungs, ready to throw up and I will be shocked if she has any kind of voice when she wakes up. I am so very thankful that Amanda actually slept through it - by the Grace of God. There is no other way she would have been able to sleep. My heart breaks because I sit and wonder how I could have helped avoid it. But I can't rest there. All I can do is be proactive and begin to try new things and see what works - what helps all of us.

I am moving toward disciple chart, complete with House Rules, tailored to her age. It will have to be a daily chart to start - week long charts are too much right now. I need to be able to break up each day, not rate a whole day with one score. At this point it would be too defeating. Baby steps. She has some nice/fun gifts for Christmas, but she may not get them on Friday. She has to earn her rewards and right now I am so sad that I don't feel she has earned them yet. Maybe by Friday? I also don't want to be too harsh. She is indeed 3 and there is so much going on in their sweet heads and bodies. I will be very quick to reward, but I have a feeling this will be a long road ahead.

The fun news? She is recently into Fancy Nancy and I am basing the whole chart on that! Be Respectful - that's fancy for Be Kind To Others. We can decorate, add stickers, feathers, glitter, etc. to the chart as she improves and make strides toward maintaining a happy heart! I think I may actually print out Fancy Nancy's empty bedroom and we can decorate that to view the progress. This might take the edge off the process.

I welcome any and all ideas, so feel free to respond and post your thoughts and things that have worked for you! Have a wonderful Christmas! Be blessed as we celebrate the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.