"I See Jesus!"

As I lay here trying to fall asleep, I am struck by a few things. I just finished watching the Hallmark movie titled, "The Note." Very sweet story of a columnist who tries to find the person to whom a note was written in the last few minutes before a plane crashed. Now I am a sucker for Hallmark movies. Especially the ones that come out during the Christmas holidays. This one struck a deep chord with me though. Really got me thinking about a lot of things.

First, this widowed columnist is about to lose her job/column if she doesn't bring in more readers by Christmas. Just as she is receiving this information, they learn that a plane has just crashed in the river. Her first thoughts were that it really puts everything into perspective. So many families just lost loved ones and didn't know it was coming. Could happen to any of us. Then as she sits by the water processing through it all and remembering deeply hidden pains of her own, she finds a note folded and in a zip lock bag containing cookie crumbs - right next to a piece of a life jacket that was from the crash. She sets out to find the proper recipient for this note. Hang with me here. I know it is just a movie, but so much can be taken from these stories!

As the story progresses, she finds three potential people (the letter was only addressed to "T" so the list became a short list quickly). As she visits each one she discovers something about herself and is able to not only be a ear for the person she is visiting, but is also to open up and let go of a tiny little piece of herself. Things that have been bottled up inside for years. It turns out her husband was killed in an accident while she was pregnant, went through a deep depression and tried to take her life - while pregnant. She ended up having a baby girl and after social services took her (because of her illness at the time and not being able to care for her), her father talked her into giving her up for adoption. She never knew what happened to her daughter, never looked for her and seemingly never really thought about it - at least on the surface. Well, I am sure you know where this is going. Come on! It's Hallmark! Just as the columnist was about to "get scooped" by a national television station, a young girl came to her and told her the note was for her. After showing her a sample of her father's handwriting she not only had proof that she was the true recipient of the note, but it turns out that this was the columnist's daughter too.

So here is why I can't stop my brain from turning. yes, this is "just a movie." But is it? Think about it. This could totally happen! Because God is THAT big. Each step was planed out and ordained by God. He is the one who causes people's paths to cross when they do and He is the one who plans each step. He is purposeful, meticulous, detail-oriented, and just subtle enough (sometimes) that you can hardly believe what just happened. I started thinking about stories I have heard over the past few months where people have discovered family they never knew existed. There was one story I think I wrote about this summer about the 70-something year-old woman who just discovered she had siblings. God has a way of bringing things and people full circle. Sometimes we don't even realize it is right in front of us.

So now you are maybe wondering about the title of this post. The girls have been very excited about the Manger scenes this Christmas season, always looking for baby Jesus. Amanda always gets so excited that she shouts, "I see Jesus!" Now that people are taking down the decorations, she still remembers where she saw Jesus. As we were driving today Amanda shouted from the back seat, "Mommy! I see Jesus!" You know what? She did see Jesus. And she sees Him all the time. He is everywhere. If we could only have that mindset all the time. To know His presence with us and around us all the time. What a great reminder for me. For us. To just "see Jesus."

Christmas Cards

Okay, so as I continue to get Christmas cards in the mail, I am starting to feel guilty about not sending them this year. Why is that? I didn't want to go through the stress of getting everyone together (and happy) for a picture, pick out the best shot, pick out a card, get it printed, update the list, print labels, stuff envelopes, seal envelopes, stamp envelopes, take them to the post office.... okay so now that I am typing it all out I am starting to feel less guilty. It is a lot of time consuming work to get these out! This year I just didn't seem to have the time. Is that bad? Am I a stinker for not making it a priority?

I just felt this year that there were more important things. As I write this I feel a bit selfish. The truth is I wanted and needed to take that time to make sure my family was cared for, my children had the tools they needed for life and discipline and to help them understand the relaxed, yet exciting, meaning of Christmas - the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. I have not done a perfect job with any of it, but I have been able to do more than I could have if I had put my mind elsewhere. So for that I am thankful!

Like so many, this time of year is exciting yet a struggle. Do we do "Christmas" like everyone else, complete with Santa, or do we figure out our own thing. I am leaning more and more toward figuring out our own thing. After reading a couple of blogs and listening to my own heart, I really don't want to go down the "Santa" road. I know this may stir some feathers, but I just don't think it is for us. I am not saying it is wrong, I just think it comes down to personal decision and what people feel is right for their families.

Like another friend mentioned, Jesus was not actually born on December 25. However, it is the only time of the year that is set aside to recognize this miraculous gift. The greatest gift ever given. The one and only gift that has freed us all from our sins, cleansed us and offers eternal life. This is something to be celebrated!

Will I decorate? Yes! I love the decorations and I don't want to give that up. I do want to have a stronger focus on the reason that we celebrate though. Presents? We will most likely continue this, but maybe tone it down.

So on that note, have a wonderful Christmas! Celebrate the birth of Jesus, all that it meant and all that it means today!!! That should be enough to excite you and make you jump up off the chair you are sitting in while reading this!

Back to Reality

Well, the girls and I have been back home for about a week and a half after taking a 3-week trip to see friends and family. So fun! I really cannot believe how great the girls were traveling. Very few meltdowns. We traveled about 3600 miles, so that says a lot.

Now that we are back home, I am faced with reality. We need to get back into a routine, Mark is busier than ever with the business, holidays are here, organization seems to be a thing of the past and the girls are really challenging every part of my being. So in the midst of getting everyone back on schedule and taming the tantrums of 3 and 1 1/2 year olds, I am also trying to rediscover myself. It seems that I have lost sight of the things that I once had a passion for. Things that gave me energy instead of draining it. I love my children so very much, but I think we all know that being a Mom is the hardest, most draining job on the planet and we all need an outlet. I am looking forward to rediscovering those outlets for myself... and maybe discovering new ones!

Did I mention that I am also trying to tame tantrums? My sweet Abigail seems to really be testing every boundary know to children. I am convinced she is actually making new boundaries - or at least trying. I feel like the most mean Mom in the world! She screamed for an hour and a half straight before finally falling asleep. And I mean at the top of her lungs, ready to throw up and I will be shocked if she has any kind of voice when she wakes up. I am so very thankful that Amanda actually slept through it - by the Grace of God. There is no other way she would have been able to sleep. My heart breaks because I sit and wonder how I could have helped avoid it. But I can't rest there. All I can do is be proactive and begin to try new things and see what works - what helps all of us.

I am moving toward disciple chart, complete with House Rules, tailored to her age. It will have to be a daily chart to start - week long charts are too much right now. I need to be able to break up each day, not rate a whole day with one score. At this point it would be too defeating. Baby steps. She has some nice/fun gifts for Christmas, but she may not get them on Friday. She has to earn her rewards and right now I am so sad that I don't feel she has earned them yet. Maybe by Friday? I also don't want to be too harsh. She is indeed 3 and there is so much going on in their sweet heads and bodies. I will be very quick to reward, but I have a feeling this will be a long road ahead.

The fun news? She is recently into Fancy Nancy and I am basing the whole chart on that! Be Respectful - that's fancy for Be Kind To Others. We can decorate, add stickers, feathers, glitter, etc. to the chart as she improves and make strides toward maintaining a happy heart! I think I may actually print out Fancy Nancy's empty bedroom and we can decorate that to view the progress. This might take the edge off the process.

I welcome any and all ideas, so feel free to respond and post your thoughts and things that have worked for you! Have a wonderful Christmas! Be blessed as we celebrate the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Little Helpers

My girls absolutely love to help out. Most children do. The most recent events are setting the table, cooking/baking, laundry and cleaning the table after we eat. I think what amazes me most about these little helpers is their enthusiasm to do it. Almost begging to help out!

When it is time to eat, Abi jumps up and says, "Can I help you set the table? What do we do first?" I give her plates first and she takes them over and carefully sets them in each place. Then I hear, "What do we need next?" She then sets out forks and spoons. Then I hear, "How about napkins next!" Out go the napkins. Once everything is ready she sits at the table and asks if there is anything else she can do. Tonight, Amanda was feeling a little left out, apparently. She came into the kitchen, opened up a cabinet, looked around, found a plastic, yellow bowl (matched her plate), pulled it out, said "bowl!" and ran to put it on the table. Once it was there she said, "I did it!" while clapping and smiling. So cute!

Cooking and baking. Abi is really into this these days. Yesterday we made pretzels and she helped knead the dough and shape the pretzels. It was a first for both of us which was so special - I had never made pretzels before either. When we get ready to make something, the first thing I hear is, "How do we start? I know! Let's find a recipe. You can look online." Then once we get our recipe and gather all of our ingredients Abi asks, "what do we put in first?" She asks that about each step and is so excited and enthusiastic about making anything and everything. When Mark got home last night she went through the whole process of making the pretzels, "First we pressed the dough. The we let it rest. then we rolled it out into snakes and made shapes! Then we boiled them and baked them!" I couldn't believe she remembered the whole process. Anything that she gets to mix or crack eggs into she loves! Pancakes, muffins, popovers... you name it. She also likes to help when I make chicken fingers - she gets to shake the bag! Amanda helped with that tonight too. It is so heart-warming to watch how excited and proud they are when they get to help with something like that.

Laundry - this is more Amanda's thing. Abi used to like to "fold" when she was younger. She would pick up something out of the basket and walk around shaking it out. Amanda runs for the washer every time I open the door. Before I can get anything sorted she is on her tip toes putting clothes into the washer. She can't see anything, but she knows if she pushes far enough, the clothes will go in :-)

Cleaning the table. this is also more of Amanda's thing. she got so upset with me the other day because I wouldn't let her have the cloth with the Windex on it to help clean the table! I gave her a cloth with water on it and she got so excited and cleaned the whole table - as much as she could reach. She also like to help me pick up, especially if we sing the clean up song from Dora.

Abi likes to help pick up and put things away too. As we were leaving Mema and Papa's house the other night, she saw that Mema was putting away a little table and chairs. Before we knew it Abi was carrying in a little folding chair too! It was big for her to carry, but she wanted to do it all by herself. "I will be ready in a minute. I just need to take this to my room." How can you rush that? We happily waited.

I am just in awe of the natural tendency toward servanthood in children. I know that children like to be "big" and many think they just want to feel like they are big girls, but I think children are born with a natural sense to help and serve - a heart of compassion. It is fostered and developed through our parenting, but I truly believe they have a God-given gift and tendency toward serving and loving. So many times I wish I could be more like them! I feel like they teach me so much more than I teach them. And I believe God has purposefully planned that as well. To bring our tainted minds, thoughts and actions back to the innocent way we began. My children are constant reminders of how much God loves me, protects me, provides for me and waits for me. It is all in the perspective in which I choose to look at it. More often then I like to admit, I get more frustrated than anything - my patience is so not what it used to be. However, I am going to make a personal goal to really take everything into perspective and look at the big picture. There are lessons for me in every one of these challenges. I know I will fail, but that also is part of the big picture. So, here I go onto another adventure and challenge. Many more will follow, but for now I will aim to stay calm and patient and look at the big picture. BIG breaths........

Recreating Memories

When I was young, we (my sister, brother and I) spent a lot of time at my grandparents' house. My mom's parents were about a mile or so away and since my mom was a single mom, we spent a lot of time at their house while my mom worked. A memory I don't think i will ever forget is the gigantic vegetable garden my grandmother had. She grew everything - tomatoes, zucchini, squash, green beans, snap sugar peas, peppers, carrots... you name it. And boy did she have a green thumb! You should have seen all the African Violets she always had! They were gorgeous! They are so hard to keep and she did it like the pro she has always been. Grandma used to send us out to the garden to pick the vegetables (after she taught us how to tell if they were ripe and how to pick them) and when it was time for the beans and peas, I think we ate more off the plants than we brought inside! Then once we got inside, we would prepare them.

For the beans, there were 2 bowls - 1 for the snapped ends and 1 for the ready-to-eat beans. We had so much fun sitting on the porch together and snapping the beans! And we LOVED to eat them raw. They are so much better that way. She would often come out and let us know that we needed to stop eating them so that there were enough for dinner.

And then the peas. How much fun it was to pop those open and slide our finger down the inside to get the peas out! That is, is we didn't eat the whole pod first! And then to eat those raw peas... I feel like I am sitting there right now, all of us laughing while Grandma watched from the kitchen window (monitoring how many we were eating so that there were enough for dinner). Such a beautiful memory for so many reasons.

I don't think my Grandma really minded how many we were eating before hand. What a great way to introduce so many things to your kids! Not only introducing vegetables to kids, but also a work ethic and hands-on experience with how to begin to cook. We couldn't do the cooking itself, but we helped and children LOVE to eat things that they helped make. I got to share this story with Abi this morning as I was bringing the girls home from the fruit and vegetable stand. They love to go here with me and each time they get to pick something "new." Last time we went (we go a couple of times a week) Abi picked out kiwi. While she wasn't crazy about it, she tried it and ate it because she got to pick it out. Today she wanted starfruit, but they were out. Next time. So instead I asked her if she would like to pick a bag of green beans or a basket up snap sugar peas. She wanted to pick a basket of sugar peas. I told her to look over them and pick any one she wanted. She was so excited and handed me the one she thought looked best. Amanda picked a couple of little oranges (something neither one of my girls have cared for) so Abi also picked a couple she wanted. On the way home as I shared my childhood story with her she said, "I can't WAIT to get home and pop those sugar peas! Do they taste like sugar?" I told her, "You'll have to taste and see! Then you can let me know what you think they taste like!" She excitedly told me again that she couldn't wait!

Once we got home I washed the peas, put them in a bowl and took them to the table. I showed her how to pop them open and find the peas inside. I wish you could have heard her sweet giggle. She was so excited to try one she could only giggle! After trying one the next thing I knew the whole bowl was just about empty! She hardly touched anything else on her plate. Amanda wasn't so interested in the raw peas. In all honesty, green vegetables have always been popular with my girls. Peas, green beans, broccoli..... they love all of them. I wasn't surprised that Abi gobbled them up, but to share my experience with her is what made it so wonderful.

So here are a couple of take-aways. Take your children to the local farmer's market or produce stand and let them pick out some things to take home and try. Plant a garden - let them help plant the seeds or plants and take care of the garden, pick the produce and prepare it for meals. Find some positive experiences from your childhood that make you smile and find a way to recreate those or share those with your children. It creates a way for you to connect with your children and remember precious moments you experienced as a child. If you don't have any of these memories, create your own! These moments are so sweet and there is so much joy in watching the wonder of a child experience something new and feel like they are a part of something bigger.

I hope to one day have a place where I can have the girls help plant a garden, take care of it and pull the produce off to eat. How wonderful that will be! To plant a seed, cultivate it and watch it grow. There are such deep roots in those thoughts ...... how we plant physical seeds and watch physical plants grow, but also how we weave in the planting of spiritual seeds and watch our children grow in faith to know Jesus. These are the moments that make all the tears and frustration melt away. The bigger purpose. Raising children to love and honor God. What an honor to be called "mother."

Quiet for a Moment

Fr just a moment, it is quiet this morning in the house. Mark has gone to work and I have an unusual occurrence.... both girls are still sleeping! Abi was up from 2 am until about 6 or 6:30 am. Amanda woke up at 12:30 or 1 am and then again at 5 am. She is cutting all 4 molars at the moment. I finally got her back to sleep after a little snack and some milk, so she is resting on our bed. A week or 2 ago I so longed for a morning of quiet. Today I have been granted just that. And what a beautiful morning it is!

Amanda just sat up, looked out at me smiled and threw herself down onto the bed. Here she comes! Lord, thank you for the few moments of quiet this morning. Help me know how to raise the girls today. How to talk with, discipline, help them. Give me patience and compassion. Help us all to have happy, respectful, compassionate hearts toward one another. Cover us with Grace, Peace, Joy, Love and surround us with all that is You. We praise you again today and thank you for all you are, all you have done and all that you continue to do. We give you today and ask that you bless it, guide us through it and help us see the Joy in each moment you give us today. Thank you!

Only God!

So I was riding the trolley tonight with the girls, something I do every night. We always ride the trolley, play the piano, see the boats if the gate is open and then ride the trolley back. Most times we are the only ones riding. tonight was not the case. There was a man from San Diego who was in town with his wife and mother. Here is the amazing story he told me about on the ride to the hotel:

His mother recently found out that she was not an only child - she has 2 sisters! She was "swept away from" her mother at 6 months of age and had no idea she had any siblings. He decided that since she is now 77, he should go ahead and check to see if he could find anyone. He had a name to go on for a parent, so he began to research. He found an obituary for his mom's father and read through living relatives. He then found an obituary for her mother, also reading names of living relatives. He ended up finding a cousin in Tennessee, talked with them and then got a name to go on for a sister and information they thought this sister was somewhere in south Florida.

He began to look up names in the south Florida area and found one that seemed promising. He called. When she answered he said, "Is this Judy?" When the answer was yes, he proceeded with, "I know this is kind of strange, but I think you are my aunt." You can imagine the seemingly hesitant voice on the other end of the phone. He continued talking, things were adding up and clicking and then he threw out the name Maryann. BINGO!!!! She knew immediately he was right! And there was another sister too! They knew that somewhere they had a sister named Maryann, but that is all they knew. They continued to talk and planned a trip to south Florida to meet everyone. All of the cousins were contacted and they had a reunion! Or rather a "union" as he called it. Can you imagine being 77 years old and discovering that you are not an only child? That you have siblings and cousins and that you can get together to meet them? Only God can bring these kinds of stories full circle! I have no idea where any of them stand spiritually, but what an awesome story! AND they are taking a cruise back to San Diego so that they can "let everyone else do the thinking." What a great way to end a most unbelievable and heart warming trip! Needless to say they WILL be coming back - I think he said December! What a wonderful Thanksgiving this will be!!!! How thankful to discover family.

I have ridden the trolley I don't know how many times and I love it because my girls get so excited. However, I think this may be my most favorite trip on the trolley. To be able to hear a story like this in such a short period of time and share in his excitement... People always walk up to Mark and tell their life stories (that's another blog), but I don't get those that often. This is a story I will remember forever.... and a face with the story that I will remember for a very long time. How awesome out God is to bring people, families, together like this. I don't believe it is chance that caused all of this to happen. I believe there is purpose and God led this man to each and every source and person (whether he realized it or not). i will be praying for and rejoicing with this family.

Lost Lizard

There is a very nice man at the hotel who sometimes gives a little rubber-like animal to the girls. Abi got a lizard a while back. We have no idea where it has gone, but last week he gave Amanda a pink lizard and Abi a pink frog. Abi has been able to keep tabs on her frog and has even taken it on a few trolley rides with us! (You will see it on Horsie's nose)

Now the lizard, that disappeared almost immediately. I honestly don't know where Amanda "stores" things. Her toothbrush has been missing for about a month! And yes, we did get her another in place of it. Have absolutely no idea where she put it, or rather set it down. She has a habit of just dropping or setting something wherever she is and then the hunt is on for the missing ????. Kind of like socks in the drier. There is a hole somewhere that has a lot of "things." Maybe there really is a City of Lost Toys like Dora found!

However, I am happy to report that the lizard has been found!

Yes, this is exactly where I found it as I was pulling laundry out of the washer to put into the drier. She is one clean lizard! Now the rest of the toys and toothbrush.... those remain mysteries :-)

Fun at the Beach

This past weekend, we went to Bathtub Beach! It is a beach here on Hutchinson Island that has a reef, and when the tide is out the swim area is alike a giant bathtub - you can walk all the way out the the reef and still be no more than knee-high in water. The girls had a ball! The highlight? There was another dad with a cast net who would go out and catch a net-full of mackrel (bait fish), bring them up onto shore and then his boys would throw them back into the water - there were several large schools of these fish swimming around and it wsa fun to see huge schools jumping and swimming away from what ever was chasing them. It became the point of focus for every child on the beach, our girls included! Abi laughed and screamed, but didn't really want to touch them. Amanda bent down, talked to them and then picked one up! Once it squirmed in her hand she dropped it and shook like the fish! She did this every time one wiggled when she touched or held it. Too funny!

It took some time to get the girls to go into the water, but daddy brought their blow-up boat, so that was a god way to get them used to the water. Then they had a good time looking for fish from the boat!

Bathtub beach has since been shut down, so the girls went to our beach yesterday. It was a very flat day on the water and a super quiet day at the beach. We were the only people there! We set up semi close to the water so that we could get plenty of wet sand to build sand castles. We did that for quite some time when I noticed little fish in the water. I tried tog et the girls to come into the water, but neither one wanted to come. I continued to go back and forth to get water and sand until Amanda finally came down with a big smile on her face. Once the water hit her toes, I couldn't get her out! She would see a wave coming and say, "here it comes!" So cute! She figured out that if the outgoing wave started to pull her forward, she could just sit down and she would be fine. So then every time a wave came she sat down! So smart and fun... until the wave was bigger than she was sitting down. Surprised her, but she still laughed and waited for the next one.

Abi took a little more coaxing. What finally got her to come to the water? A man was fishing and catching some of the fish I was seeing. She wanted to see it so she finally came down to the water. She was nervous until the water "tickled her toes." As time went on she became more and more brave! She started going further out, letting the water crash up onto her legs and laughing. So sweet. Then she got nervous when the water would start to pull her. I had her watch Amanda sit and when Abi got used to how the water felt going out around her while she was sitting, that was the highlight of each wave. Then we talked about watching the water to see when the big waves were coming. She then became the big wave police! Abi would say, "here comes a big one!" and Amanda would say, "here it comes!" We saw lots of fish right where the drop-off was in the water, including one that was white and black striped! The girls also threw some seashells back into the water saying, "you go BACK in the waves!".

The girls also learned that if you have a bucket of ocean water and wash your sandy hands in it, all the sand sinks to the bottom of the bucket. That was the new excitement of the sand castle building. i get a bucket of water and bring it up. Abi washes her hands, Amanda throws in 2 handfuls of sand, someone dumps out the bucket and the cycle begins again. So much fun!

It takes such an effort to get 2 little ones to the beach by the time you get all the sunblock on, suits on, bathroom done, small cooler packed and gather all the toys, blankets, umbrella and towels, but it is totally worth it. Amanda slept for 2 hours and Abi for 4! And everyone had such a great day. Next time we will take the kite too!

The Day After

A friend told me yesterday that the first day after a "survival day" is always a good one. This morning is proving to be just that! The girls got a full night's sleep and I think mommy and daddy did too! Both girls actually woke up happy, talking to each other and are playing quietly with each other! Yes, that means they are sharing and being respectful of each other. How thankful I am, and how blessed to have a Father who understands how much I (we) need the calm after the storm.

Another beautiful discovery this morning? Amanda has finally clicked with her please and thank you's! She asked for something this morning and I said, "what?" She said, "May I milk peee?" What a great start to "the day after!" I know there will be challenges - I do have a toddler and a preschooler. However, I am thankful for the happy start and reminded how blessed I really am.

In the past I have posted only when I remembered or felt like I was in a place where I could actually share something - I get nervous about putting my thoughts and feelings out there. My gut is telling me that I need to get beyond my insecurities and do just that. I am not saying that will happen overnight, but I am going to make an effort to go beyond my comfort zone and see what god has in store.

Now I sit with coffee in hand, Bible open and ready to see what today has in store.....

An Honest Monday

I want to begin by expressing how very much I love my children. I am so very blessed to be able to be home with them and raise them, to watch each and every step they take witness every decision, good or bad, that they make. This morning, however, I find myself longing for time alone... uninterrupted. Time to write, read, focus my thoughts, steady myself.... time to reflect with the Lord on all that He has given to and done for me. I now find myself running through the "shoulda-coulda-wouldas" in my head of how I could have better started my day. The reality is that I was tired and exhausted from yesterday's fun events with the family and I needed just a few more minutes. this is code for, "I don't know how to better manage my time so that I can get everything done in enough time to get enough rest at night." I hate feeling annoyed when my children ask for something or call my name 4 gazillion times a minute without saying anything else to me. I just long for quiet this morning.

Lord, please give me strength today. Strength to be patient, to enjoy the blessings of today, to learn how to better manage my days, to have compassion for the bumps and "ouchies" of today, to embrace the multi-gazillion times I hear "mommy?" with no other conversation attached, and help me find a place to connect .... with You, other mommies and with a church family. Help me to embrace this season of life and guide me to a feeling of "home" here where You have placed us. Help me to embrace life and renew my excitement for this journey You have called us to walk. Help me experience life, not just survive it. Renew my passions and desires. Reveal to me all that You have called me to do so that I may move forward with purpose, desire, confidence and passion. Show me how to raise my children to know and love You. Give me the ability to relish every hug and act of affection from my girls. Fill me to overflowing so that I may spread that same love onto my girls and husband. Refill and restore me, Father. Make me whole again. Thank you for giving me such loving, affectionate girls. Thank you for showing me that love daily. Thank you for making me whole again....

Time at the Beach

What a gorgeous morning! First morning of my mini weekend getaway. I had a glorious quiet time this morning reading about some of Paul’s journey, basking in the Psalms and then a very personal, emotional and healing time of prayer as I walked the beach. So many emotions, thoughts, revelations ….. and so much beauty! To look out at the open sea, watching fishing boats in the distance, birds catching their breakfast, waves crashing in, sun hitting the sea so beautifully and perfectly …. To look out and see how smooth the water looks, but to watch how large and majestic the waves are that are crashing in onto the beach. All that they bring in and take away. It always amazes me how the ocean views hardly ever change, but so much emotion and thought comes from watching the same scene over and over again. I want to be able to carry those feelings, thoughts and concentration in every scene of life. How hard it is, but how much more rewarding it would be if I could think that clearly all the time – with my focus always on Him. How I long to live that way. I pray that this weekend God speaks to me and gives me insight and focus. That even in the high-paced life I live with 2 small children and a hectic, stressful, busy and complicated path, I can live as peaceful and focused as I feel when I am standing on the beach looking out at the open sea, listening to and watching the waves crash in on me. Still I stand firm, when the waves plow in, bringing debris and taking the ground away, yet cleansing me with the healing salt water. Every day can be lived that same way. I pray that I always remember that feeling. The feeling of the ground washing away, debris being left around me, yet I stand firm, peaceful and cleansed by the power of my all-knowing God and Creator, Lord of my Life – that He is holding me firm – that I am standing on a firm foundation.

Although I didn’t have a camera with me, there are sites I want o always remember. Snapshots in my mind that can always be brought back and remembered. I have always had an interest in photography and hope that one day I will be able to develop that interest. To be able to capture those moments to remember in print would be so wonderful. However, until then I will continue the photography in my mind and enjoy the thoughts and peace that the Lord has given me in those moments. To collect an album of conversations we have had and remember then through the storms. He is my Rock and my Fortress. My Shield and my Sword. My Comfort and Peace. My source of Joy.

Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subsides peoples under me. O Lord, what is man that you care for him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. Part your heavens, O Lord, and come down; touch the mountains, so that they smoke. Send forth lightning and scatter the enemies; shoot your arrows and route them. Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters, from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose hands are deceitful. I will sing a new song to you, O God; on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you, to the One who gives victory to kings, who delivers his servant David from the deadly sword. Deliver me and rescue me from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose hands are deceitful. Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. Our barns will be filled with every kind of provision. Our sheep will increase by thousands, by ten thousands in our fields; our oxen will draw heavy loads. There will be no breach of walls, no going into captivity, no cry of distress in our streets. Blessed are the people of whom this is true; blessed are the people whose God is the Lord.

Psalms 144

“You’re all I want. You’re all I’ve ever needed. You’re all I want. Help me know You are near. Bring me back to You….”

Lion Country Safari

Yesterday we spent the day at Lion Country Safari, a drive-through and walk-through "zoo" of sorts. So fun! We went to the walk-through area first as it was about an hour drive to get there and we wanted to let the kids stretch their legs and play. We had never been, so had no idea what to expect. It is like an amusement park! A little petting zoo, a water play area, feeding the giraffes, merry-go-round, Ferris wheel, mini golf, paddle boats, flying elephant ride, monkeys, birds, alligators.... and we didn't even see all that was there! We were in the park for 4 1/2 hours and still didn't see it all! We had lunch at one of their many picnic areas and then headed back to the car for the drive-through portion.

Animals walking in front of our car, standing by the street, running through fields... I totally loved it! Zebras, rhinos, lions, elephants, more monkeys, all kinds of animals I had never seen before. To be up so close to these animals was inspiring! To see how beautiful a zebra really is! How intricate the designs are on animals. Here are some snapshots of what we did and saw. Enjoy!

Goat is eating Abi's shirt!

To Laugh or Cry.... Maybe Both!

This is the question of the morning. Here is the play-by-play of the morning events:

Girls up at 6 am - nothing new there. Actually, I think maybe they slept in a little! Mark usually gets up with the girls, and I got up at 6:30. I made coffee, made a mental plan for the day, got out activity centers for the girls and got the morning started with crafts. At about 8, Amanda went down for a nap, so I got ready so that right after lunch we could make a trip to Michael's so that we could get some supplies to make puppets and have a puppet show. All looks like a perfect and normal morning!

Amanda wakes up, we have lunch, I get the bag together and we head to Michael's with our list! We found everything that we needed and all looks well for a quick trip to the craft store and back home in time for nap! We get the the truck, I put the key in to get the air running while I load in the kids, and this is what I hear, "click click click click......." This is NOT GOOD! I try again, almost in disbelief. I mean, this can't really be happening, right? Everything has been so perfect! I have 2 small children, it is 100 degrees outside and not a cloud in site, my husband is in back-to-back meetings at least 30 minutes or more away, my father-in-law is out, and my mother-in-law is in Jury duty today!! I call Mark on the off chance that he is actually close by, but no such luck. I go back into Michael's to ask if anyone can help jump my truck. "I have the jumper cables," I said, "but I need another car." One very sweet, young girl offered but another employee talked her out of it (right in front of me) and told me to call Pep Boys across the parking lot. NO offer of a number or phone book, so I guess they were expecting me to shout over there or walk? Across the parking lot is quite a distance - it is at the complete other side of the strip mall and you can't see it from Michael's. Did I mention that it is 100 degrees outside? I sit, with 2 VERY tired, hot little girls on a bench inside Michael's and look up Pep Boys on my iPhone. Sounds handy, but the internet is painfully slow. I finally get a number and all I get is an automated service! I have to run out of the store to wait for a human being as Amanda is beginning to scream. I can't really hear the man who finally answers, but I ask if someone can come jump my truck as I am right across the parking lot and he very rudely replied, "I don't know. You need to talk to someone in the service department" and transferred me before I could say anything else. Another man picked up and I repeated everything to him. His answer, "No, we can only help you if you bring the car to the service area. You'll have to find someone to help you." Umm, okay, well let me just go pick it up with one arm and my 2 girls in the other in the 100 degree weather and I'll be right there!!!! Seriously? I was calling YOU for help! Okay, Now come the tears. Abi is saying to me, "Oh no! How are we going to get home? We can't get home. We have to wait for daddy." I went back into the air conditioned Michael's with the girls for a few and she told everyone in there that we have to wait for daddy.

The phone rings and it is Mark. Gene is on the way! A friend and neighbor from down the street who just got into town yesterday. I looked out and there was an empty parking spot right next to the truck! Thank you, Jesus! I ran over and parked the stroller in it. Mark sent me his number and I called, told him where I was and that I had a parking spot right next to me. My instructions were to have the cables ready and everything set as he had a meeting across town in about 45 minutes. I can do that! I can pop the hood, hook up the cables and be ready! I go inside the truck, pull the lever, hear it release and go to the front and look for another lever in the grill that I know is supposed to be there. Can't find it. Go back to make sure that the hood from inside is actually released, it is, and look again. Out of desperation, I call Mark and interrupt his meeting to ask where the lever is. I still can't find it!! He told me not to worry, that Gene would know. A lady pulled in across from me and when she got out of her truck asked me if I had someone coming to help jump my truck. I told her that there was indeed someone coming and thanked her for asking. Then another nice lady stops me as I am trying again to find the lever in the grill and says, "you pop it from INSIDE the truck." In my already sarcastic, hot, frazzled head I was thinking, "No kidding!" but instead I smiled and calmly thanked her, and told her I have already done that, that there is another lever in the grill that is supposed to release the rest of it. She looked but didn't know either. So a great big shout out and thank you to the women out there! They actually care to stop and help! Unlike the TWO policemen who drove by separately, saw me standing there with the girls in the stroller and jumper cables in hand and just kept going, or the guy standing outside Michael's watching my melt down and the antics of trying to figure everything out and asked me, "ma'am, would you like to buy....." I seriously don't understand people sometimes. Anyway, I wait.

Amanda wants up, so I let her walk for a minute..... until she wants to run away in the parking lot! Back into the stroller. Yay!! I see him! "Everyone in the stroller! He is here! I am so proud of you both! You have been so patient and understanding, even in the heat! If you can sit here patiently for just a few more minutes, we will be on our way! I am SOOOO proud of you!"

Gene parks, comes to help open the hood and he can't find it either. Out of shear desperation, I grab the corner of the hood and yank it up. HA!! There is the lever! Up goes the hood and out of Gene's mouth pours, "This battery is toast. I don't know if it is going to even start." He is a very calm man, so everything he said was very calm. I, on the other hand, am NOT that calm, especially at this moment. I quickly respond with, "It is clicking, so it's not totally shot yet." Yippee!!! A glimmer of hope! As I head to the driver's seat to start the car, he tells me to wait a minute. Then he gives me the okay. Here goes!!! And....... YES! It starts! I come around the truck to thank him, and here is his response, "On the corner of Davie and ....., there is a place called International Battery. Go straight there and tell them to put in a new battery. Whatever you do, do NOT turn off the truck." Do not pass Go, do not collect $100, just go! I thanked him so very much, loaded the girls up, went through a drive-thru to get some water for everyone as we were out of drinks and it is 100 degrees outside (have I mentioned that yet?) and then came home instead. I needed to get the girls cooled off and to bed. We got home and as I was getting Abi out of the car Abi said, "That was fun with Grampa Gene!" I chuckled and said, "yes, it was!" Then we got inside I sat girls down under the ceiling fan with their reward lollipops and 1 show, and then off to bed. Ahhhhh, air conditioned home and sleeping girls.

So, while I should be planning dinner and getting everything together, I am sitting here blogging instead! I just might find a movie next. Or maybe figure out dinner :-)

Daddy's Girl

I know it is late for a "Father's Day" post, but I have been thinking a lot about this recently. Abi is such a daddy's girls. She always has been. As soon as he comes home, Abi is following him like a shadow - talking a mile a minute. "Help me with..., Let's go for a walk...", always wanting to know where he is and to get to him and talk, hug, sit with... you name it. While he is at work, she often says, "I miss daddy." She wants to be with him all the time. There is nothing sweeter that seeing this kind of special relationship between a daddy and his daughter.

True to form, I find it so inspiring and humbling. I think about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I watch Abi and listen to her and think, "How did I become so far from my Father? What can't I be a Daddy's girls like she is?" How easy it is for her to think about her daddy all day long and has so much to say to him when he gets home. Why isn't it that easy for me to remember and think of God that way all through my day? I used to. And then life got so incredibly busy. However, I should never be too busy for my Father. He is the One who carries me, comforts me, leads me..... How I long to be a Daddy's girl. To be so anxious to run and jump into His lap to talk, sit, pray.... just be. To study His Word with Him. To spend every moment that I can with Him.

This is the desire of my heart. To be close to Him. I think in the midst of my restlessness, I realize even more how much time I waste when I could be talking with the Lord and discussing my life and the direction He has planned out for us. THIS should be my focus. THIS is my desire. HE is my focus.

I know many say that when you have children some things get pushed to the back burner - that there is too much going on to be able to have a consistent quiet time. I am so unsettled by that comment every time I hear it. God is #1 on the list of priorities. He needs to be. Without Him we are lost, stressed and out of control. It is a necessity to make sure you make time for Him each day. Schedule the time. Make a point to schedule a meeting with Him every day. His date book is wide open, ready to meet with us all the time... any time! He is waiting for us. For me. He is waiting for me right now. So I leave my blog now to go be with Him. My Daddy. To curl up and become a Daddy's Girl......

Restless and at Peace

The past several weeks I have become restless. I love being a full-time mom, but I am restless. I feel like I am supposed to be doing more, yet am not sure what that is or how I am supposed to fit it in. However, in a continued effort to not stress about planning I am trying to do more processing of what this all means.... personal reflection on why I am restless. Am I being prepped for something more? Is God preparing me for something new? Only time will tell, but in the mean time I remain prayerful and look forward to seeing what unfolds.

What re some thoughts running through my head and heart? Well, there is my desire to sing again, although I have been out of it for so long that I need to start practicing at home ad in the car to retrain my voice and get it back. However, my life-long passion for orphans has been on the forefront of my mind. I can't stop thinking about it!!! About the children. About how I can fit into all of that while raising my 2 little girls. I often feel guilty about thinking so much about that while I am raising my girls. But I can't turn it off! I cannot begin to express how deep my passion runs for children who have been orphaned and placed in foster care. I believe it is so important that all children know that they are not mistakes! That God has a plan for them - they were planned from the beginning. That their circumstances don't have to be who they are... that we each have the opportunity to respond to our circumstances ..... "that who are is 10% what happens to us and 90% what we do with what happens to us." Sure, those who are orphaned and/or placed into foster care may have some heavy obstacles to overcome, but they can indeed be overcome! There is nothing stopping these children from having successful, extraordinary lives. Their lives just have different hurdles than others. the bottom line is this - we all have hurdles. We all have things to overcome. But I believe these children need an extraordinary amount of love and encouragement given to them. To be raised without a mom and/or dad is so hard! To start out feeling like you don't fit in or already have the odds stacked against you - like you are raising yourself with no one to guide you. These children all deserve the same opportunities as anyone else. The same love as any other child. The same promise of eternal life. I feel it is out responsibility to reach out to these children and give them that love. Give them that sense of security, the "I do belong here" feeling.

So the prayer continues. What does all of this mean? How will this fit in? What will it look like? All thoughts that will become more clear with time. But until then, I remain prayerful and continue to live life with my family, making sure to enjoy the moments I am given with them. To be the mom and wife I am called to be. To enjoy life as it comes and to take advantage of the time that I have with my family. Life is too short. We are only given this one chance to experience the life we have been given. To remain prayerful about the stirs of the heart, to remain aware of the precious moments we are given with our families, to remain prayerful about all who do not have this opportunity - either as a parent or a child, and to be at peace with all of these blessings.

Joys of Life

I am listening to the sweet sounds of Abi and Amanda talking back and forth before they lay their heads to rest. This has become the final piece of their bedtime routine before they sleep - nap time and bedtime. I love it! It is a very sweet sound to listen to at the end of a busy day.

So much is going through my mind these days. How quickly life goes by, how many moments I miss out on each day because I am thinking about how to get everything done, how many obstacles are placed in our path daily - some high, some low, what kinds of projects and games to do with the girls hat will be educational, fun, character building...... when does the mind just rest so that we can just live in the moment! I have become so consumed with how to make life run "properly" that I am forgetting to LIVE LIFE! We get this one opportunity to live our lives and I am so busy planning that I don't have time to live! It does me no good to have the perfect plan if I can't put it into practice.

In the midst of my plan to stop planning, I have also felt the need to purge and organize. Downsize. I think my friend Jessica kind of jump started the organization and downsizing. I wish I had taken before and after pictures like she did! You would be amazed at my latest transformation!! You can check out Jessica's story by clicking on her link on the right-hand side of my page. She has an amazing story about finally reaching the other side of infertility and now shares her ongoing story of life "on the other side."

Back to the downsizing :-) I cannot believe how free and peaceful it feels to have so much less around me. If it doesn't have a place to go, it doesn't come in the room. And "on top of a surface area" does not count as "a place to go!"

And then there are the obstacles. I can't currently share all that is going on in our lives, but I think it is safe to say that there are more obstacles before we jump over the first one - it seems to be one loooonnngg jump over the miles and miles of continuous, shoulder to shoulder hurdles. However, I can honestly say that I have never felt so peaceful in the midst of the storm. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's hand is over us, that we are "hiding in the Shadow of the Almighty," and basking in the Joy that Is and Is to Come! Mark and I have reached a point where I think we just laugh when something else comes up. Shear exhaustion? Maybe. But I think more than anything it is just another hurdle that proves that God is in control and only He can bring this to fruition - it is truly His plan. The tie-in? All the planning in the world won't change the Ultimate Plan God has for each of us. I can rest my head at night knowing that we are not in control. We can try all we want, but the more we try to take control, to more chaotic life will be and the more moments we will lose trying to figure it all out. Should be have a basic plan? Absolutely! We can't just swing from vine to vine without a care in the world and no responsibility. However, don't get too attached to the plan you make. Be ready for flexibility. You never know where this wild ride will take you. But I do know this - it will be an exciting and adventurous ride! Just don't forget to enjoy it along the way! I know that I don't want to ever think, "I wish I had just......." Take the time to enjoy and live life. I am slowly learning to live in the moment and take it all in. I have a long way to go, but I am on my way....

My Heart Is Full

This morning, I caught up on the happenings of long-lost friends.  They are adopting!!!!  To hear (or rather read) their story brings so many emotions.  Joy, laughter, tears, excitement, awe... you name it, I felt it during 2 very short little videos.  

What struck me more than anything while reading and watching these stories is how amazing God is!!!!  I know this, yet every time I hear these kids of stories I am reminded all over again like  it is the first time I am seeing and beginning to understand how BIG God is and how MUCH He loves and takes care of us.  Let me give you a little snippet....

This wonderful family heard from God on a specific date that they were going to adopt.  One big problem - it is very expensive and they are on a very tight budget.  They began to pray and trusting God for His provision and families started donating!  One family gave a very sizable donation ($15,000)!!!!  So began the paper work.  Papers got lost, prayers from friends that the papers would rise to the top of someone's desk at the agency came and up popped the papers the very next day!!!  Court was scheduled quickly and everything was a go!  Then came pictures of their precious little girl who was waiting for them.  How awesome is it that God would have timed everything just so in order that this wonderful, American family would end up with this specific little girl from Ethiopia - that He planned this from the beginning and allowed some short obstacles to remind all of us that this appointment has been ordained by GOD!  The power of prayer - After so many years apart, I feel very close to them.  It is all due to the power of prayer and the closeness of God.  He can bridge so many miles and years.  

I have always had a heart for foster care and adoption, so all of these stories have a special pull for me.  However, I don't understand how people can hear stories like these and not believe in God!  Only He can orchestrate all of these happenings.  And I totally believe with all of my heart that no child, no person, is an accident.  God has purpose for each and every birth and life.  It is our duty to pray for all of these lives - lives we will never see or cross paths.  And when we DO cross the path of one of these precious lives, children who are orphaned or seemly unwanted, that we encourage them, support them and let them know that there is purpose in their lives.  "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with what happens to you." 

Well, I will break with that for now.....

Growing Girls

As I sit here to type, I hear the thunder rolling.  There is something relaxing about the thunder at the end of a day.  Not sure what it is, but to know that I am indoors for the night, have my cup of tea and am winding down, it is very relaxing and comforting to hear.  Now it is just rolling though - at a slight distance.  I may have another thought on it when it is crashing right over head ;-)  In any case, I was reflecting on all of the "moments" we have had with the girls - little comments they make, how Abi puts a sentence together, little funny things they do - all just as innocent as can be.... just trying to learn how things work and what things are for.  AND, the little things that give them such joy and pleasure each day.

The highlight of every day right now is riding the trolley to the main hotel (Abi says hotel like a true southerner - so cute!) to see if the piano is there.  Once we arrive at the hotel, we walk over to where the piano building is, say hello to the restaurant staff and cimb the stairs to see if the piano is there - sometimes it is a hunt to find the "hidden piano."  If it is there, we stop to play it!  Abi now knows where middle "C" is and where every other "C" is on the piano.  She has always been so gentle with piano keys - most children I know are into pounding the keys.  Not Abi - she like to create soft, pretty music of her own.  Amanda loves the piano as well!  Tonight was the first time she was not satisfied with playing the top notes and then walking around to play the bottom notes while Abi was up on the bench.  She took my hand and tried so hard to tell me she wanted to get up onto the bench too!  She walked to one side of the bench and backed up, almost trying to jump.  It was then that we figured out she wanted to play from the bench.  We put her up there and she was thrilled to be playing like everyone else!  She tends to play with a little more force, but is still fairly gentle.  Then it is off to the elevator to go back down.  They both like to push the buttons, so they take turns.  Then we greet the restaurant staff once again and visit the gift shop to say hello there!  Then it is "bye, bye" to everyone and off to catch the trolley home.

The trolley rides are entertainment in and of themselves.  There is fun "island music" playing and both girls dance the whole time while sitting in their seats.  If other people are on the ride with us, there is waving, smiling, invitations (Abi likes to ask, "Are you going with us?"  just like she asks us, "Do you want to go with us?")....  along with the dancing, of course.  We look for golf carts, golf flags, motorcycles, and anything else along the way.  When we get off we always walk up to the driver, say "thank you" and "see you tomorrow" and walk to our parking lot.  Once there, we stop and wait for the trolley to drive by so that we can wave and say, "night, night."  Such a sweet routine right before bath time!

Tonight was filled with little moments, snapshots of growth and development.  Amanda was "running" down ramps all by herself, listening for her echo in different places, and trying to sit on the bottom step of stairs at the hotel.  She tries to sit on it like we sit in chairs - you just back up and sit down.  However, it was a little more time consuming and way too cute for her!  She turns so that her back is to the step and squats.... very sloooowwwwwwwly.  When she discovers she is not quite there, she stands up and backs up a little more.  This repeats over and over until her little bum reaches the edge of the step.  Then she slides back, throws her hands in the air and says with great joy and excitement, "I did it!!!!"   Then she stands up, walks away and the whole process begins again.

Abi was a little tour guide tonight at the hotel while we waited for the trolley to come and take us back home.  With her sweet little fingers waving to have me come she says in her sweet little voice, "come with me, mommy!  come with me!"  I follow and she has all kinds of things to say, find and do along the way.  She has such a great imagination!  

I absolutely love to watch the girls love on each other!  Amanda attacks Abi with hugs and kisses all the time - especially when they wake up in the morning or from nap.... almost like an, "I missed you soooooo much" greeting.  Now Abi does not always wake up quite as chipper, so sometime we have to keep Amanda back for a little bit so that Abi is ready for it.  However, there are times when Abi wakes up the same way and "baby" is who she is looking for!  Like today after nap she came out and said, "but where's baby?"  When she saw her she walked over and said, "well hello blue eyes." in her sweet, soft, motherly voice and gently stroked her cheek.  It was followed by, "did you have a good rest?"  I know!!!  Just melts your heart, doesn't it?  And Amanda lights up as soon as she sees Abi!  So much love between them - really does warm your heart.

Amanda is saying so much for just 13 months!!  I am really surprised at how much I can actually understand.  I think Abi was the same way, but it still shocks me to hear so much come from her.  Her vocal inflections are so sweet (yes, "sweet" seems to be the word of choice tonight).  Amanda really is trying to speak in full sentences and I am sure, in her own mind, she is!  She is so confident with what she is "saying" that sometimes you can actually figure out what she is talking about!  I think both Mark and I are amazed at how quickly they are growing and how much they really do take in and absorb so early.  We no longer have babies in the house - we have two sweet, beautiful, smart little girls.  The monkey-see, monkey-do theory?  It is alive and well!  AND it goes both ways.  However, when it comes to things like sharing and helping, this theory is a happy one to have around.  Like when Amanda picks up horsie to give back to Abi just because she knows how much that toy means to Abi.  And how Abi finds a pacifier (and yes, Abi calls it a pacifier and has perfect pronunciation - I can't believe it sometimes) and gives it to Amanda because she knows how much she likes to have them.  

Abi is always concerned for other people - wanting to make sure everyone has something and that everyone is okay.  tonight in the tub, Amanda swallowed a little too much bath water and started coughing.  Abi began reaching over and patting her back and saying, "are you okay baby?  you okay?"  She doesn't like to see people sad or hurting.  She also likes to make sure that everyone has "something" if we are playing a game or doing some activity.  No one is to be left out.  She really is so kind and thoughtful - always wanting to include everyone...

Okay, I know there are more "cute-isms" to share, but I have gone on long enough.  I will post more another time.  Night-night!  Enjoy what has been placed before you.  The journey is long and hard, but so rewarding in the end.

Mother's Day 2009

Many women look forward to breaks and "treats" on Mother's Day - time to be alone.  one of my sisters said to me one year, "I just have a problem being away from my children on the day that celebrates the fact that I have been blessed with children.  I couldn't agree with her more!!!Do we like and need breaks?  Absolutely.  However, I so enjoyed waking up on Mother's Day morning, making coffee for my husband and dad, getting breakfast for the girls and just going about our every day routine.  

After having suffered 2 miscarriages prior to carrying full-term, I think Mother's Day is that much more special... at least for me.  Being a mom is the hardest job in the world - of this I am totally sure.  More days than not, I find myself at the end of the day wondering what happened to the day and what did I actually accomplish - other than witnessing a tornado or 7 hit the innards of the house.  Then a friend reminded me that all of those things will still be there - the laundry, toilets that need to be scrubbed, something to be made in the kitchen.... that it is more important to hold your children, play a game, do a puzzle, read a book to them or just talk with them - help shape them and teach them.  These are all things that I know, yet in the craziness of life are so easy to forget.  Are there days where I think I can't do it and I should totally be admitted to a looney bin?  Yes!  However, those days pass and with a little sleep the next day is fresh and new.  A chance to start over and try it all again.  What a blessing!  There are so many women out there who long to become a mom, but are not able to do so.  So to be able to spend this wonderful day with my girls and wonderful husband means so much.  

Each day I am blessed to be able to see my girls grow and develop.  It's hard to say that one day of the year is Mother's Day because it seems like I am blessed with that every day.  The love, the kisses, the hugs, the new discoveries, new words, new accomplishments...  every day is a reminder of the blessings of motherhood.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!  

Updates and the Zoo

There are so many thoughts I'd like to share, but let's just see where this goes today.  I have not yet had caffeine, so my brain may be partially still shut down :)

Amanda is officially walking!  Last night she let go and began walking all over the house.  She did only walk between mommy and daddy but we encouraged her to go on her own last night and off she went!  Then she didn't stop until she was too tired to stand.  She only fell a couple of times, s I showed her how to get up in the middle of the floor and then she just did it!  It amazes me how quickly children pick things up.  They are so smart!

They each had their well-child check-ups as well.  Abi is still our peanut at 34 inches (10th percentile) and 24 pounds (5th percentile).  Amanda in 29 inches (50th percentile) and 18.7 pounds (5th percentile).  Both "look" healthy - ironic that they were both sick when they went to their well-child visit.  However, they are just colds.  It really does amaze me at how healthy Abi was in Chicago, even during the winters.  She NEVER got sick.  Since we have been in Florida, it seems they are sick all the time!  Maybe the heat keeps germs alive longer?  Who knows.  Abi feels that every time she coughs, it means she "really, really, really has to go to the doctor!"  She says the same thing whenever Amanda coughs.  Too funny!  Abi LOVES to go to the doctor.  She can't wait to get up ion the table and let the doctor check her ears, listen to her heart, etc.  Then once we finally got to see the doctor, over 2 hours past our appointment time (apparently walk-ins get to see the doctor before the scheduled appointments if they happen to get there before you - don't get me started), she said that Abi was due for a shot.  I had already decided I was not going to get Amanda's since she had been so sick over the weekend and my brain was not functioning since I was trying to keep 2 children happy for 2+ hours, so I turned to Abi and asked, "Do you want to get your shot today or wait?"  What kind of dumb question is that to ask a 2 1/2 year old?!?  f course she said she wanted to wait and I, being the mean mom that I am, said we would go ahead and get hers done - with the promise of ice cream when we got home.  Now to schedule Amanda's shots for another day....

We went to the zoo today and the main reason Abi wanted to go was to see lions, giraffes and to ride the merry-go-round.  That is how I got her out the door.  We got there, no lions.  Tigers though!  No giraffes - "We'll have to find giraffes another day at another zoo," I explained.  She has been so patient the whole time as I tried to figure out where I was supposed to go and how to get to different places - it is set up a bit like the IKEA in Ft. Lauderdale - big circle and can't find what you need or want.  Then just as Amanda began to totally fall apart, Abi reminds me about the merry-go-round.  I had totally forgotten!  So I ask someone I see where it is and here was the answer, "first right past the water fountains, but it is not running right now for maintenance.  It should be open soon."  UGH!!!  Abi has been such a trooper and now the MGR is not operational?  I held out hope.  Maybe if we go over, sit on a bench and get Amanda something to eat, then it will be up and running!  I mean she did make it sound like soon would be in about 10 minutes.  We went over, she cried because she wanted to go on, and then I saw the sign, "Carousel closed for the day for maintenance."  Ummm, that is not "soon" when you are walking around with 2 children!  That is a "please come back another day!"  As I was trying to calm Abi down and assure her we would come back another day to ride, I see a sign that says "must be a minimum of 42" to ride."  Seriously?!?  This is a children's ride!  Abi won't be able to ride it even when it IS operational.  I guess in hindsight, better to have it not working and know ahead of time she is not big enough for it than to see it running and try to explain that she is just not big enough to ride it.  So, not a horrible day but Abi sure didn't get the 3 things she asked for.  Lion Country Safari, here we come (on another day of course)!  I KNOW they have giraffes there!

Well, no deep thoughts today.  Just some light moments from our days :0)

Glimpses of Him

So it seems that it is feast or famine with my entries.  I really am trying to stay on top of things these days. :)

 The girls are really changing and I know how important it is to share the special moments and stages of their lives.  So much of what they say and do always makes me think on a slightly deeper level.  I say slightly because I do have mommy brain - sometimes hard to do 

any deep thinking :)  Here are some examples:

Abi says this when she hears any of us sad or upset: "I want you to be happy."  What a change of mindset sometimes - just to choose to be happy, to let everything else go away or to just find the fun and excitement in whatever is happening.  Abi is not always happy (she is 2 after all), but she is easily distracted and redirected to laughter or silliness.  How wonderful is that?!?  How I want to get back to that point.  It is so important.  Sometimes I think God speaks to us through our children as well.  I believe He does want us all to be happy, to live n the Joy of Him and the excitement and adventure that He lays before us.... before me.  

And Amanda... she can totally walk on her own, but she will only do it if Mark and I are sitting fairly close and she walks from one parent to the other.. almost runs actually.  Even though she can walk on her own, she holds tightly to the hand of Mom or Dad.  She doesn't want to let go.  There is a security there.  She makes the choice to hold our hand rather than walking alone.  The same holds true with our Heavenly Father.  We have a choice to walk through life on our own or to hold onto his hand.  How much our Heavenly Father wants for us to hold His tightly to His hand, to feel security in each step we take.  To walk with confidence in HIm.  To walk with Him in assurance that He will not let us fall.  He will hold us up and catch us.  How much God teaches us through our children if we just take the time to slow down and pay attention.....  

Well, I am going to call it a night.  I pray you all have a wonderful night.  Take some time to enjoy the small, subtle reminders that God sends our way each day.  He surrounds us with Love each and everyday - all day long.  There is something to be said for the cliche, "stop and smell the roses."  Take some time to slow down and recognize His presence throughout the day....

Anyone Still Out There? It's Been a While.....

Well, I'm back!  It has been quite some time.  The girls are getting so big!  Amanda just celebrated her 1st birthday and Abi thinks she just had another as well - every time someone has a birthday, Abi insists that it is also her birthday.  I am certain that by her calculations she is now nearing her driver's permit.  However, by accurate calculations put her at 2 1/2.  It is very hard to believe that a year ago Amanda entered the world just 5 pounds, 6 ounces and 17 1/2 inches long.  Now she is 18 pounds and 29 inches.  It amazes me how precious little beings become so big so fast.  

Abi has now decided that she wants to take showers instead of tubbies (baths).  Tonight, she told Mark to get out so she could do it herself.  She danced and sang in what she called "the rain."  It is a larger shower stall (no bathtub) so she had room to do it.  We couldn't get her out!  When we asked her the other day how old she would be on her next birthday her response was, "older."  No joke!  When asked whether she would like a hat or a bow her answer is, "I don't know but I'm about to find out!"  She has really started speaking in some very long, correct sentences.  She is little Miss Manners when she really puts her mind to it (or rather when she doesn't think and just speaks).  She really is a very happy, well-behaved child.  Don't get me wrong - she has her moments.  Sometimes hours.  The kind of moments that make you wish you were the one in the Calgon commercials enjoying the relaxing bath in the enormous spa tub.  However, her endearing moments far outweigh any of those.  Her smile is enough to brighten anyone's day.  She has such a sense of humor.... along with being a drama queen.  I know most of you are thinking, "wow - she gets that from Carrie."  I won't deny that, but Mark has his fair share of moments too! ;)   She loves to be outdoors, play instruments (yes, she has a tally on all the instruments she has verses those she does not yet have), play "soccer" (code for "anything that requires a ball larger than a baseball"), Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, dogs, swimming.... pretty much anything she comes across in life.  It is refreshing to stop and think of life through her eyes.  Everything is fresh, new, fun, exciting and even errands are full of adventure.  She loves going to the library and picking out books - we read them until she has them memorized.  I can't wait to start teaching her how to read!  Yes, I have ordered a homeschool program to get her started.  She is excited for it to come!  What a joy she is.  So full of life...

And Amanda - also so full of life.  She is a very good child as well, yet slightly more challenging than Abi ever was.  She has no fear and doesn't like to be told "no" to something.  She will keep on until you have to remove her, thus causing a scream which comes from her toes and slowly works its way all the way up to the top of her head and exiting through her little mouth!  Yes, she has my temper.  And Mark's sense of adventure.  She loves to kick a ball, or balloon, or whatever happens to be in her path.  I think she has been kicking balls (and very well I might add) since she was about 5 months or so.  She has recently started singing all the time (her new favorite song is "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes"), dancing, loves reading and playing with her alphabet letters on the magnetic easel, drawing, swimming, doing anything that Abi does..... she does love her big sister.  She lights up when Abi comes into the room.  When they are sleeping at different times of the day, Amanda will wait patiently but is ready to attack Abi with hugs and kisses as soon as she appears.  Abi is not usually ready for her right off the bat, so we have a bit of intercession until Abi is awake enough to take it.  While Amanda is not yet walking on her own, I think she is capable - she just doesn't realize it.  She has taken as many as 7 steps on her own, but this is the one thing that she still wants help with - a sense of security.  She is very stubborn, but oh so loving as well!  She loves parties and to be out and about.  If we are out, there is no sleeping for her.  Too many people to see, talk to and wave to!  She will run herself into the ground before she will sleep out in public.  She doesn't want to miss anything.... and rarely does :)  

Well, that is a long update on the girls.  Mark and I are doing well too!  Life is full of adventure and love.  We enjoy being with our girls, just being a family.  We look forward to having time to be together just the 4 of us.  We are constantly amazed  at how much our girls understand, pick up, do and say.  God's perfect creations soak up everything.  It is so important to really watch how we behave, what we say, how we react.... we are learning all over again how to be calm and what our actions say to the girls.  I have to admit, I am often disappointed in myself when I see how I am acting, reacting, etc., especially when I am teaching the girls to do it differently.  A constant reminder that we are all human, but we can always strive to be better.... to become more like a child.  To be like we were before we were tainted by the world we live in.  We will never fully be able to do that, but we can strive to be more like Christ.  How perfect He was even in the tainted world. 

Well, I am not sure what all I said as my brain is running on empty.  So I guess it is now time to shut down.  Be blessed and I hope to make this more regular again!