Happy Easter!

As I was slowing down last night before bed, I had some time to reflect on the day. Because of my sweet husband, I was able to go out and run some errands for as long as I needed. I ended up being out from about 11 a.m. until about 4 p.m. I had time to reflect and focus a little bit on our new bundle of joy who will be joining our family in four weeks. Life has been moving so quickly that I feel I haven't had time to focus on her.


With the first, that is all you have to focus on. Sure I was working more than full time up until a week before Abi was born, but on my days off I was able to go shopping for her, put together registries, think about all the things I would like for her to have, all the things that would make her transition easier, what colors to use in her nursery, how wonderful it will be to have her with us in the flesh. Now that number two is almost here it's not that she is any less important, it's that life has taken over. There is transition, a toddler who never stops and no time to really reflect while still awake. I feel less organized and prepared for this baby than I did for the first. I now find myself wondering, "Will I have enough love for both? Will I be able to care for them both and find time for each of them individually? Will I be able to show them both how much I love them? Will I still be able to show my husband how much I love him? Where will I find all the extra hours in the day that I need to get it all done?" I now have a more elevated, realistic understanding of why so many women forget to take care of themselves after having children. Did I feel guilty being out yesterday? Yes I did. I felt like I should be home taking care of everything, including my husband who is not feeling well and is preparing for some oral surgery tomorrow. However, I wouldn't trade that time to focus on our new daughter for anything.


I didn't get much for Baby J #2, but I did get a few things. I still need to get a few things for her but I think I can do that this week as we will have Mema's helping hands here as well. I can't wait to be able to buy her a few outfits that are just for her. To see her personality and begin to discover what God is creating her to be.


This morning as I reflect on what Easter represents, I am reminded that even though life goes by so quickly God never runs out of time for us. He always has more than enough love for each and every one of us all day, every day ..... 24/7! He is always there to hold us, carry us, love us, guide us, listen to us.... and He never runs the other way when we are whining. Instead, He holds us, walks with us, loves us even more.... Why is it so hard for me to do the same? The answer is always, "We are human." Is that really an excuse? Maybe not an excuse, but it sure does make us feel better knowing that we just aren't perfect. The reality is that I am going to make mistakes and I am going to wonder if I really should have been given these children and husband to care for - can I really do it. But the answer is always yes. God has ordained this and blessed me with a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful daughters, one whom I will get to meet in a few weeks. Because these are gifts from Him, I can absolutely do it. Will I be perfect? No. Can I strive for that? Yes. Will it be easy? No. Can I still do some things that are important to me and close to my heart? Yes, because that is who God created me to be and those are desires that He has placed in my heart. Is it okay to take time to do those things? Yes. Will it be easy? No. Will I still feel guilty? Probably - that is also part of who I am. However, I would not trade my life for anything. Every trial has caused me to grow in ways I never thought imaginable. Every blessing has made me wonder what I have done to deserve so much love. Life is hard, full of challenges and we will never perfect it. However, we have a God who sent His only Son to die on the cross for us. Jesus died for us. For me. For you. For our children. He will always walk with us and encourage us through the trials. He is also there to celebrate with us in the joyous times. He knows what is coming in our lives and has planned out each step. Because I know this, I know that some how, some way, I will have enough love to go around, enough energy to get it all done and the opportunity to do an occasional something for myself. Will it be hard? Yes. Will I falter? Of course. Might it sometimes take longer than I want? Absolutely! However, I will be stronger in the end and will have learned something that I will need for the next step in my life.

My thoughts are a bit jumbled today, but hopefully there was something in all of this that made sense.

Happy Easter!
Jeremiah 31:1-6
Romans 8:28