My Heart Is Full

This morning, I caught up on the happenings of long-lost friends.  They are adopting!!!!  To hear (or rather read) their story brings so many emotions.  Joy, laughter, tears, excitement, awe... you name it, I felt it during 2 very short little videos.  

What struck me more than anything while reading and watching these stories is how amazing God is!!!!  I know this, yet every time I hear these kids of stories I am reminded all over again like  it is the first time I am seeing and beginning to understand how BIG God is and how MUCH He loves and takes care of us.  Let me give you a little snippet....

This wonderful family heard from God on a specific date that they were going to adopt.  One big problem - it is very expensive and they are on a very tight budget.  They began to pray and trusting God for His provision and families started donating!  One family gave a very sizable donation ($15,000)!!!!  So began the paper work.  Papers got lost, prayers from friends that the papers would rise to the top of someone's desk at the agency came and up popped the papers the very next day!!!  Court was scheduled quickly and everything was a go!  Then came pictures of their precious little girl who was waiting for them.  How awesome is it that God would have timed everything just so in order that this wonderful, American family would end up with this specific little girl from Ethiopia - that He planned this from the beginning and allowed some short obstacles to remind all of us that this appointment has been ordained by GOD!  The power of prayer - After so many years apart, I feel very close to them.  It is all due to the power of prayer and the closeness of God.  He can bridge so many miles and years.  

I have always had a heart for foster care and adoption, so all of these stories have a special pull for me.  However, I don't understand how people can hear stories like these and not believe in God!  Only He can orchestrate all of these happenings.  And I totally believe with all of my heart that no child, no person, is an accident.  God has purpose for each and every birth and life.  It is our duty to pray for all of these lives - lives we will never see or cross paths.  And when we DO cross the path of one of these precious lives, children who are orphaned or seemly unwanted, that we encourage them, support them and let them know that there is purpose in their lives.  "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with what happens to you." 

Well, I will break with that for now.....

Growing Girls

As I sit here to type, I hear the thunder rolling.  There is something relaxing about the thunder at the end of a day.  Not sure what it is, but to know that I am indoors for the night, have my cup of tea and am winding down, it is very relaxing and comforting to hear.  Now it is just rolling though - at a slight distance.  I may have another thought on it when it is crashing right over head ;-)  In any case, I was reflecting on all of the "moments" we have had with the girls - little comments they make, how Abi puts a sentence together, little funny things they do - all just as innocent as can be.... just trying to learn how things work and what things are for.  AND, the little things that give them such joy and pleasure each day.

The highlight of every day right now is riding the trolley to the main hotel (Abi says hotel like a true southerner - so cute!) to see if the piano is there.  Once we arrive at the hotel, we walk over to where the piano building is, say hello to the restaurant staff and cimb the stairs to see if the piano is there - sometimes it is a hunt to find the "hidden piano."  If it is there, we stop to play it!  Abi now knows where middle "C" is and where every other "C" is on the piano.  She has always been so gentle with piano keys - most children I know are into pounding the keys.  Not Abi - she like to create soft, pretty music of her own.  Amanda loves the piano as well!  Tonight was the first time she was not satisfied with playing the top notes and then walking around to play the bottom notes while Abi was up on the bench.  She took my hand and tried so hard to tell me she wanted to get up onto the bench too!  She walked to one side of the bench and backed up, almost trying to jump.  It was then that we figured out she wanted to play from the bench.  We put her up there and she was thrilled to be playing like everyone else!  She tends to play with a little more force, but is still fairly gentle.  Then it is off to the elevator to go back down.  They both like to push the buttons, so they take turns.  Then we greet the restaurant staff once again and visit the gift shop to say hello there!  Then it is "bye, bye" to everyone and off to catch the trolley home.

The trolley rides are entertainment in and of themselves.  There is fun "island music" playing and both girls dance the whole time while sitting in their seats.  If other people are on the ride with us, there is waving, smiling, invitations (Abi likes to ask, "Are you going with us?"  just like she asks us, "Do you want to go with us?")....  along with the dancing, of course.  We look for golf carts, golf flags, motorcycles, and anything else along the way.  When we get off we always walk up to the driver, say "thank you" and "see you tomorrow" and walk to our parking lot.  Once there, we stop and wait for the trolley to drive by so that we can wave and say, "night, night."  Such a sweet routine right before bath time!

Tonight was filled with little moments, snapshots of growth and development.  Amanda was "running" down ramps all by herself, listening for her echo in different places, and trying to sit on the bottom step of stairs at the hotel.  She tries to sit on it like we sit in chairs - you just back up and sit down.  However, it was a little more time consuming and way too cute for her!  She turns so that her back is to the step and squats.... very sloooowwwwwwwly.  When she discovers she is not quite there, she stands up and backs up a little more.  This repeats over and over until her little bum reaches the edge of the step.  Then she slides back, throws her hands in the air and says with great joy and excitement, "I did it!!!!"   Then she stands up, walks away and the whole process begins again.

Abi was a little tour guide tonight at the hotel while we waited for the trolley to come and take us back home.  With her sweet little fingers waving to have me come she says in her sweet little voice, "come with me, mommy!  come with me!"  I follow and she has all kinds of things to say, find and do along the way.  She has such a great imagination!  

I absolutely love to watch the girls love on each other!  Amanda attacks Abi with hugs and kisses all the time - especially when they wake up in the morning or from nap.... almost like an, "I missed you soooooo much" greeting.  Now Abi does not always wake up quite as chipper, so sometime we have to keep Amanda back for a little bit so that Abi is ready for it.  However, there are times when Abi wakes up the same way and "baby" is who she is looking for!  Like today after nap she came out and said, "but where's baby?"  When she saw her she walked over and said, "well hello blue eyes." in her sweet, soft, motherly voice and gently stroked her cheek.  It was followed by, "did you have a good rest?"  I know!!!  Just melts your heart, doesn't it?  And Amanda lights up as soon as she sees Abi!  So much love between them - really does warm your heart.

Amanda is saying so much for just 13 months!!  I am really surprised at how much I can actually understand.  I think Abi was the same way, but it still shocks me to hear so much come from her.  Her vocal inflections are so sweet (yes, "sweet" seems to be the word of choice tonight).  Amanda really is trying to speak in full sentences and I am sure, in her own mind, she is!  She is so confident with what she is "saying" that sometimes you can actually figure out what she is talking about!  I think both Mark and I are amazed at how quickly they are growing and how much they really do take in and absorb so early.  We no longer have babies in the house - we have two sweet, beautiful, smart little girls.  The monkey-see, monkey-do theory?  It is alive and well!  AND it goes both ways.  However, when it comes to things like sharing and helping, this theory is a happy one to have around.  Like when Amanda picks up horsie to give back to Abi just because she knows how much that toy means to Abi.  And how Abi finds a pacifier (and yes, Abi calls it a pacifier and has perfect pronunciation - I can't believe it sometimes) and gives it to Amanda because she knows how much she likes to have them.  

Abi is always concerned for other people - wanting to make sure everyone has something and that everyone is okay.  tonight in the tub, Amanda swallowed a little too much bath water and started coughing.  Abi began reaching over and patting her back and saying, "are you okay baby?  you okay?"  She doesn't like to see people sad or hurting.  She also likes to make sure that everyone has "something" if we are playing a game or doing some activity.  No one is to be left out.  She really is so kind and thoughtful - always wanting to include everyone...

Okay, I know there are more "cute-isms" to share, but I have gone on long enough.  I will post more another time.  Night-night!  Enjoy what has been placed before you.  The journey is long and hard, but so rewarding in the end.

Mother's Day 2009

Many women look forward to breaks and "treats" on Mother's Day - time to be alone.  one of my sisters said to me one year, "I just have a problem being away from my children on the day that celebrates the fact that I have been blessed with children.  I couldn't agree with her more!!!Do we like and need breaks?  Absolutely.  However, I so enjoyed waking up on Mother's Day morning, making coffee for my husband and dad, getting breakfast for the girls and just going about our every day routine.  

After having suffered 2 miscarriages prior to carrying full-term, I think Mother's Day is that much more special... at least for me.  Being a mom is the hardest job in the world - of this I am totally sure.  More days than not, I find myself at the end of the day wondering what happened to the day and what did I actually accomplish - other than witnessing a tornado or 7 hit the innards of the house.  Then a friend reminded me that all of those things will still be there - the laundry, toilets that need to be scrubbed, something to be made in the kitchen.... that it is more important to hold your children, play a game, do a puzzle, read a book to them or just talk with them - help shape them and teach them.  These are all things that I know, yet in the craziness of life are so easy to forget.  Are there days where I think I can't do it and I should totally be admitted to a looney bin?  Yes!  However, those days pass and with a little sleep the next day is fresh and new.  A chance to start over and try it all again.  What a blessing!  There are so many women out there who long to become a mom, but are not able to do so.  So to be able to spend this wonderful day with my girls and wonderful husband means so much.  

Each day I am blessed to be able to see my girls grow and develop.  It's hard to say that one day of the year is Mother's Day because it seems like I am blessed with that every day.  The love, the kisses, the hugs, the new discoveries, new words, new accomplishments...  every day is a reminder of the blessings of motherhood.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!  

Updates and the Zoo

There are so many thoughts I'd like to share, but let's just see where this goes today.  I have not yet had caffeine, so my brain may be partially still shut down :)

Amanda is officially walking!  Last night she let go and began walking all over the house.  She did only walk between mommy and daddy but we encouraged her to go on her own last night and off she went!  Then she didn't stop until she was too tired to stand.  She only fell a couple of times, s I showed her how to get up in the middle of the floor and then she just did it!  It amazes me how quickly children pick things up.  They are so smart!

They each had their well-child check-ups as well.  Abi is still our peanut at 34 inches (10th percentile) and 24 pounds (5th percentile).  Amanda in 29 inches (50th percentile) and 18.7 pounds (5th percentile).  Both "look" healthy - ironic that they were both sick when they went to their well-child visit.  However, they are just colds.  It really does amaze me at how healthy Abi was in Chicago, even during the winters.  She NEVER got sick.  Since we have been in Florida, it seems they are sick all the time!  Maybe the heat keeps germs alive longer?  Who knows.  Abi feels that every time she coughs, it means she "really, really, really has to go to the doctor!"  She says the same thing whenever Amanda coughs.  Too funny!  Abi LOVES to go to the doctor.  She can't wait to get up ion the table and let the doctor check her ears, listen to her heart, etc.  Then once we finally got to see the doctor, over 2 hours past our appointment time (apparently walk-ins get to see the doctor before the scheduled appointments if they happen to get there before you - don't get me started), she said that Abi was due for a shot.  I had already decided I was not going to get Amanda's since she had been so sick over the weekend and my brain was not functioning since I was trying to keep 2 children happy for 2+ hours, so I turned to Abi and asked, "Do you want to get your shot today or wait?"  What kind of dumb question is that to ask a 2 1/2 year old?!?  f course she said she wanted to wait and I, being the mean mom that I am, said we would go ahead and get hers done - with the promise of ice cream when we got home.  Now to schedule Amanda's shots for another day....

We went to the zoo today and the main reason Abi wanted to go was to see lions, giraffes and to ride the merry-go-round.  That is how I got her out the door.  We got there, no lions.  Tigers though!  No giraffes - "We'll have to find giraffes another day at another zoo," I explained.  She has been so patient the whole time as I tried to figure out where I was supposed to go and how to get to different places - it is set up a bit like the IKEA in Ft. Lauderdale - big circle and can't find what you need or want.  Then just as Amanda began to totally fall apart, Abi reminds me about the merry-go-round.  I had totally forgotten!  So I ask someone I see where it is and here was the answer, "first right past the water fountains, but it is not running right now for maintenance.  It should be open soon."  UGH!!!  Abi has been such a trooper and now the MGR is not operational?  I held out hope.  Maybe if we go over, sit on a bench and get Amanda something to eat, then it will be up and running!  I mean she did make it sound like soon would be in about 10 minutes.  We went over, she cried because she wanted to go on, and then I saw the sign, "Carousel closed for the day for maintenance."  Ummm, that is not "soon" when you are walking around with 2 children!  That is a "please come back another day!"  As I was trying to calm Abi down and assure her we would come back another day to ride, I see a sign that says "must be a minimum of 42" to ride."  Seriously?!?  This is a children's ride!  Abi won't be able to ride it even when it IS operational.  I guess in hindsight, better to have it not working and know ahead of time she is not big enough for it than to see it running and try to explain that she is just not big enough to ride it.  So, not a horrible day but Abi sure didn't get the 3 things she asked for.  Lion Country Safari, here we come (on another day of course)!  I KNOW they have giraffes there!

Well, no deep thoughts today.  Just some light moments from our days :0)

Glimpses of Him

So it seems that it is feast or famine with my entries.  I really am trying to stay on top of things these days. :)

 The girls are really changing and I know how important it is to share the special moments and stages of their lives.  So much of what they say and do always makes me think on a slightly deeper level.  I say slightly because I do have mommy brain - sometimes hard to do 

any deep thinking :)  Here are some examples:

Abi says this when she hears any of us sad or upset: "I want you to be happy."  What a change of mindset sometimes - just to choose to be happy, to let everything else go away or to just find the fun and excitement in whatever is happening.  Abi is not always happy (she is 2 after all), but she is easily distracted and redirected to laughter or silliness.  How wonderful is that?!?  How I want to get back to that point.  It is so important.  Sometimes I think God speaks to us through our children as well.  I believe He does want us all to be happy, to live n the Joy of Him and the excitement and adventure that He lays before us.... before me.  

And Amanda... she can totally walk on her own, but she will only do it if Mark and I are sitting fairly close and she walks from one parent to the other.. almost runs actually.  Even though she can walk on her own, she holds tightly to the hand of Mom or Dad.  She doesn't want to let go.  There is a security there.  She makes the choice to hold our hand rather than walking alone.  The same holds true with our Heavenly Father.  We have a choice to walk through life on our own or to hold onto his hand.  How much our Heavenly Father wants for us to hold His tightly to His hand, to feel security in each step we take.  To walk with confidence in HIm.  To walk with Him in assurance that He will not let us fall.  He will hold us up and catch us.  How much God teaches us through our children if we just take the time to slow down and pay attention.....  

Well, I am going to call it a night.  I pray you all have a wonderful night.  Take some time to enjoy the small, subtle reminders that God sends our way each day.  He surrounds us with Love each and everyday - all day long.  There is something to be said for the cliche, "stop and smell the roses."  Take some time to slow down and recognize His presence throughout the day....

Anyone Still Out There? It's Been a While.....

Well, I'm back!  It has been quite some time.  The girls are getting so big!  Amanda just celebrated her 1st birthday and Abi thinks she just had another as well - every time someone has a birthday, Abi insists that it is also her birthday.  I am certain that by her calculations she is now nearing her driver's permit.  However, by accurate calculations put her at 2 1/2.  It is very hard to believe that a year ago Amanda entered the world just 5 pounds, 6 ounces and 17 1/2 inches long.  Now she is 18 pounds and 29 inches.  It amazes me how precious little beings become so big so fast.  

Abi has now decided that she wants to take showers instead of tubbies (baths).  Tonight, she told Mark to get out so she could do it herself.  She danced and sang in what she called "the rain."  It is a larger shower stall (no bathtub) so she had room to do it.  We couldn't get her out!  When we asked her the other day how old she would be on her next birthday her response was, "older."  No joke!  When asked whether she would like a hat or a bow her answer is, "I don't know but I'm about to find out!"  She has really started speaking in some very long, correct sentences.  She is little Miss Manners when she really puts her mind to it (or rather when she doesn't think and just speaks).  She really is a very happy, well-behaved child.  Don't get me wrong - she has her moments.  Sometimes hours.  The kind of moments that make you wish you were the one in the Calgon commercials enjoying the relaxing bath in the enormous spa tub.  However, her endearing moments far outweigh any of those.  Her smile is enough to brighten anyone's day.  She has such a sense of humor.... along with being a drama queen.  I know most of you are thinking, "wow - she gets that from Carrie."  I won't deny that, but Mark has his fair share of moments too! ;)   She loves to be outdoors, play instruments (yes, she has a tally on all the instruments she has verses those she does not yet have), play "soccer" (code for "anything that requires a ball larger than a baseball"), Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, dogs, swimming.... pretty much anything she comes across in life.  It is refreshing to stop and think of life through her eyes.  Everything is fresh, new, fun, exciting and even errands are full of adventure.  She loves going to the library and picking out books - we read them until she has them memorized.  I can't wait to start teaching her how to read!  Yes, I have ordered a homeschool program to get her started.  She is excited for it to come!  What a joy she is.  So full of life...

And Amanda - also so full of life.  She is a very good child as well, yet slightly more challenging than Abi ever was.  She has no fear and doesn't like to be told "no" to something.  She will keep on until you have to remove her, thus causing a scream which comes from her toes and slowly works its way all the way up to the top of her head and exiting through her little mouth!  Yes, she has my temper.  And Mark's sense of adventure.  She loves to kick a ball, or balloon, or whatever happens to be in her path.  I think she has been kicking balls (and very well I might add) since she was about 5 months or so.  She has recently started singing all the time (her new favorite song is "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes"), dancing, loves reading and playing with her alphabet letters on the magnetic easel, drawing, swimming, doing anything that Abi does..... she does love her big sister.  She lights up when Abi comes into the room.  When they are sleeping at different times of the day, Amanda will wait patiently but is ready to attack Abi with hugs and kisses as soon as she appears.  Abi is not usually ready for her right off the bat, so we have a bit of intercession until Abi is awake enough to take it.  While Amanda is not yet walking on her own, I think she is capable - she just doesn't realize it.  She has taken as many as 7 steps on her own, but this is the one thing that she still wants help with - a sense of security.  She is very stubborn, but oh so loving as well!  She loves parties and to be out and about.  If we are out, there is no sleeping for her.  Too many people to see, talk to and wave to!  She will run herself into the ground before she will sleep out in public.  She doesn't want to miss anything.... and rarely does :)  

Well, that is a long update on the girls.  Mark and I are doing well too!  Life is full of adventure and love.  We enjoy being with our girls, just being a family.  We look forward to having time to be together just the 4 of us.  We are constantly amazed  at how much our girls understand, pick up, do and say.  God's perfect creations soak up everything.  It is so important to really watch how we behave, what we say, how we react.... we are learning all over again how to be calm and what our actions say to the girls.  I have to admit, I am often disappointed in myself when I see how I am acting, reacting, etc., especially when I am teaching the girls to do it differently.  A constant reminder that we are all human, but we can always strive to be better.... to become more like a child.  To be like we were before we were tainted by the world we live in.  We will never fully be able to do that, but we can strive to be more like Christ.  How perfect He was even in the tainted world. 

Well, I am not sure what all I said as my brain is running on empty.  So I guess it is now time to shut down.  Be blessed and I hope to make this more regular again!

Reflections

As I sit thinking about all that has happened since my last blog update, I could write about how Amanda is waving, says "dada", wants to run with Abi in the worst way but can't get her balance yet, loves to "cruise" around tables or ottomans or just play outside, how she is so full of joy (what a fitting middle name for her).... or how Abi comes out with some of the funniest sentences these days, complete with manners (pleases, thank yous, yes/no sir, yes/no ma'am.... - example: "No I don't want an apple thank you daddy."), new words, how she LOVES to dance to any music she hears, has a new-found love for honking noses, making people laugh, always wanting to go see "kids", how eager she is to learn and just how much she takes in - such a sponge. However, what really strikes me as I process through the past year and the adventures that it held is that last portion - so eager to learn and take everything in.

One evening a few months back, I was putting Abi to bed and something was making her sad. When I asked her to use her words and tell mama how I could help, she did. Then I talked to her about "communication," never thinking she would care about a word so big (she is only 27 months). When she repeated the word after I explained what it meant, she said, "Nother one mama!" So we did a few more "big" words and she listened, took it all in, wanted to learn and understand. As I reflected on that conversation, I was reminded of how God wants that with us. He wants us to communicate with Him - to be eager to listen and learn. Oh to have the heart, eyes and passions of a child again. They are so fresh, still untainted by the world we live in. What a magical moment that was - for both of us.

Then we work on discipline - how to behave and obey. When I reach about the gazillionth time of saying the same thing over and over I think, "How many times, Lord, have you had to tell me the same thing over and over only for me to either not listen or do my own thing? How many times have you spoken to me when I have not listened or paid any attention? How many times have you tried to get my attention and I have been too distracted by something before me?" Then when there is a break through with Abi, there is a HUGE celebration! So much praise, high fives, kisses, hugs and excitement! How much more our Lord must feel when I finally reach a breakthrough with which He has been helping me for so long! How much joy and excitement He must have when I finally "get it." Parenting has given me a whole new awareness of God's presence in my life and His unfailing love and devotion to me. To be able to rest in His peace, comfort, love and celebration of life. There is no better place to be!

That is my Christmas prayer for all of you, that you truely remember, discover and embrace all that this Christmas celebration is all about - the Love that Christ has given us through His birth, life, death and risen spirit. When all else seems to be in shambles, there is still peace and comfort in the Lord's embrace. Embrace it. Embrace Him. Discover love in the little things. Enjoy the simplicity of cutting back. Embrace the celebration of life. Have a blessed Christmas!