Quiet Times and Time-Outs

I know it has been a while..... again. I have had lots of thoughts for blog posts and I am sure many of them will happen, but I have been trying to focus my time on how to better manage my time and the girls. I felt like I was yelling or disciplining ALL the time and had no time for fun with the girls. And because of that I have been a wreck. Now I don't yell all the time, I do not like to yell at my children. But let's face it, there are days when n one is listening and you feel like you are yelling to be heard all day long.

Then I found myself talking very softly, the same thing over and over, "If you can't hear me, you need to take a breath and try to calm down." And, "I will not talk over your screaming, so I will wait." Once they realize that I am not going to talk over their screams and they won't provoke a yell or frustration out of me, then they take a breath, calm down and are ready to listen. How many times do I scream and yell at the Lord (ok, maybe not scream and yell, but complain about the same thing over and over or ask the same thing over and over, and never feel like He is hearing me) and wonder why He doesn't answer or talk to me? Way too many times. I believe He is also saying, "Carrie, I will not talk over you. When you are ready to listen, I am hear to repeat what I have already told you. Open yourself up to listen." The still, quiet moments are when I hear most clearly and can focus on what the Lord has to say to me, to ask of me and to show me.

So then I began to think about my mommy time-outs - those times that I have always removed myself from the room to take a few moments to gather myself together and to pray. Why have I not tried this with my children too? And then I also began thinking about how I could revamp time-outs to try to make them more effective and meaningful. Hmmm....

Just about then, a time-out for Abi was in order. I decided to try a new approach. Here is how it went: "Abi, why did you continue to shake that pom-pom in Amanda's face after she used her nice words and asked you to stop, and I also asked you to respect her words and stop?"

Abi, in a sing-song, flippant response - "Ummmm..... I don't know!"

Mommy - "Well, I would like for you to take a time-out over there on the carpet and think about what you could have done differently."

Abi immediately went to the spot I pointed to, folder hands, closed her eyes and began to pray, "Dear God, please help me to know what I could have done and help me to know what to do." then she sat quietly for the rest of her time. Quite honestly, I think I did too!

Once that time-out was over and I asked her what she could have done differently, she told me a couple of things that would have helped her to avoid time-out. How she could have been more respectful. And then she followed it with, "Jesus helped me!!!!!" Yes, He did! This approach to time-outs has worked wonders for Abi! She now walks around singing, "I want to be like Jesus.....", she is sharing better, she is SO helpful around the house, she is becoming more and more obedient every day.... turn the focus upward. I am in the process of creating a time-out space for reflection, but I think even the current verbal is so effective.

Now I am working on a quiet-time space and routine. Prayer books, Bible stories, coloring books/crayons..... a specified time during the day when we all take some time to quietly work, create, read, pray.... I think it is so very important to establish a routine of daily quiet time early on. And to also establish a time of family devotions. So this piece is a work in process, but I will say there is a lot more prayer going on in our house from people of all ages and it is a much more peaceful place. Every time there is a bump or scrape, both girls are right there to pray healing over whomever got hurt! And they remember to ask later to see how that person is feeling. Even today, we went out in the rain to get a couple of groceries. As we were about to run back to the car, the rain stopped just long enough for the girls to get in (yes, I got soaked. But the girls and I laughed because it was pretty funny). As we were pulling into the driveway, Abi says, "We could ask the Lord to please stop the rain while we get inside." I answered, "Yes we can" and just then, the rain stopped! Abi said, "Look! HE stopped the rain for us!" And just as we all got inside, it picked back up. What a testimony of child-like faith.

Now you may have noticed that I haven't talked much about Amanda. Amanda is 2 and is testing about every boundary she can. She is very blatantly defiant, except when I tell her she needs to go to time-out. She screams and hollers all the way there and through out, but she goes! She will soon figure out that the obedience needs to come BEFORE I send her to time-out. I do give her a warning, so she will soon learn to heed that warning :-) She is sweet as can be though! Just REALLY testing mommy :-)

Well, our personal quiet time is up and Abi is kissing me to let me know, so I am going to go play Mickey Mouse Uno with her! Be blessed and remember to take those few precious moments to be with the Lord! Your day will be so much smoother and patience will be more abundant..... but also remember to ask for more patience :-)