Revelation

Okay. So a few blogs ago I was have a woe-is-me kind of day and processing why I cannot lose these last 15 pounds from babies. Here is my BIG revelation. I AM LAZY! Yes, that is the extent of it. My dramatization over it all was more energy than what I put into working out and making a plan to lose the weight. Plus, I am older than I was 10 years ago. I know, hard to believe that I am older now, but I am. The body changes! Metabolism changes. Everything changes and unless I put forth the energy to adjust, I need to just be happy with and embrace these last 15 pounds. Since I am not willing to embrace them, I am getting active and working it out. Thank goodness it is pool season! So much more enjoyable to be exercising in the pool and teaching the girls to swim at the same time.

So that's it. Nothing deep today. Just the sad realization that I am lazy. At least when it comes to this :-) Happy times!

Life's Reminders

I am mildly amused at how sweet the girls can be one minute and then turn into complete terrors the next. Right now they are in the pool (in their clothes), fishing for gooey fish. They each have a little fishing pole and they are dropping the sinking fish onto the steps and fishing them out. They have the sweetest conversations and then, out of nowhere, Amanda starts screaming, locking her knees, face turning red and you cannot understand a thing she is saying. Abi is trying to "explain" something. Ummmm, that's not working. Then, out of nowhere, everything is fine and they are laughing. Happens all day long! I wish I had a monitor in every room so that I could hear their sweet conversations while they are playing together.... and then to also hear who actually starts each fight.

Back to the pool. I am working with the girls on their confidence in the pool. Amanda has no fear at all - never has. Abi is finally starting to find a little confidence in the water too. I am sure it helps that her little sister is doing more than she is and is getting a whole lot of judos for it all. As I mentioned, the girls are in the pool in their clothes. Mark just jumped in and he is also working with them on their kicking. Abi is a bit more active in the water when it is daddy. There is a safety there. How much this reminds me of the safety I feel in my Daddy's hands. My heavenly Father is so comforting and I always feel safe with Him. How wonderful that these precious girls have an earthly father that mimics that. Someone who can give them a piece of tangible evidence that there is comfort in the Father's embrace. How thankful I am.

Enjoy the comforting embrace of the Father. Take time to really see who He is, what He says He will do and find comfort in the arms of Him. Rest in it. Believe it!

Birthday Girl!

Today Amanda turned 2!!! I can't believe it. We had a wonderful day! Here is a picture of the birthday girl in one of her favorite places... a box!

Amanda asked me a few days ago for a Strawberry Shortcake cake. I went online only to find that the pans were discontinued. Bummer! I was planning to try to free-hand something. We had family in town and on Monday I took Amanda for a ride so that I could try to get her to fall asleep. We went to Michael's a little further out and just as I was about to leave the cake area (there were no signs of the pan I was looking for) I put my hand on a random pan and pulled it out. Would you believe it! The discontinued pan!! It was meant to be. You know how I know? Not only was it there, it was on clearance for $4.99!!! yes, anyone who uses these kinds of pans knows what a deal that is! I bought it - even though I forget my coupon. I used my coupon on Wednesday for the icing colors and tips that I needed - 20% of entire purchase! AND, all the Wilton things were on sale already for 25% off. What a deal on everything! Abi helped make a batch of icing on Wednesday night and I iced it after the girls went to bed. It has been quite a while since I have done one f these kinds of cakes, but here she is. Strawberry Shortcake!

We started the day out with a couple of gifts. Abi had a hard time with the realization that none of the gifts were for her, but she survived. Especially when she discovered she could also use them.

After our run for diapers (some things can't wait, even for birthdays), we went to Panera to get a little treat with Mema! Abi was there too, but didn't want to have her picture taken. She didn't sit still long enough :-)

After we got back home, I blew up the pool/water slide that Amanda got and we had a picnic outside while the girls had a blast discovering all that they could do in and with the new pool! Of course the slide into the water was the highlight. Abi went down face-first a couple of times, but she held her breath and when she came up and realized it and we gave her kudos, she giggled and thought it was great! Confidence building for the big pool. Love it!

Amanda has no fear of the water and couldn't push Abi out of the way fast enough! And Abi totally threw out an enormous word in context while playing with all of this today!!! She pulled one of the yellow rings and placed it on a yellow "knob" and a red ring on a red "knob" and said, "The are camouflaged!" I looked over and said, "That's right! They match and look like they are hiding, so the ARE camouflaged!" Obviously, she already knew the explanation, but I felt like I needed to say it because it was such a huge word!

Casual birthday dinner out on the patio. They wanted to sit on the wall, so I took their little table out so they could eat with the birds... literally.

Daddy had a crazy busy day of work, but he was able to sneak home for cake! Yeah!!

And she blows out her candles. She had such a great time and really took everything in. Every time her hat fell off she was trying to put it back on. This is a girl who HATES to have anything on her head. She knew this day was about her and was so excited to have a party hat!

Cake and ice cream, down the hatch! After dessert we went back outside to play in the new pool before bedtime. So much fun! I think the girls will sleep well tonight. I managed to get Amanda down for a nap, but not Abi. She should sleep well tonight :-)

After bath time, they had snuggle time with Mema. What a great end to the day...

So today we celebrate the blessing of Amanda. We flipped through pictures a few days ago. I know people say this all the time, but it really is strange how fast the time goes. Makes you realize all over again how important it is to take in every moment. She came into the world a tiny little peanut - 5 pounds 6 ounces and only 17 inches long. Now she is tall yet still lean. And boy does she have a lot of energy and silliness! She is a ham and we so enjoy what she brings out in all of us. She is a bundle of sugar! Happy Birthday, sweet girl. We love you!!!

All our love,

Mommy, Daddy and Abigail

What a Fun Week!

We have had family in town this week and we have had so much fun! Lots of cousins, playing the the cold pool (the kids, not me), watching the girls reach complete exhaustion and then go some more.... they were so great! Very few melt downs and only today showing signs of seriously needing rest. And now they are resting. So thankful.

What did we learn this week? Amanda is totally a performer! She has all the facial expressions, silly looks, giggles, grabs her little microphone every time she wants to sing (which is ALL the time), bows at the end of everything she does, falls down and laughs just for fun and is just plain silly! And yes, she also bows after she falls and makes everyone laugh. She is so funny! And the look out of the corner of her eye!!! TOO MUCH!

Abi is quite the ham too. She is all about being silly and getting a laugh out of people. She is also very creative and had a great time being one-on-one with her 10-year-old cousin, Antonio, who also likes to build and be creative. They built forts and had tea parties (yes, Antonio was a trooper with the tea parties and even helped Abi get "tea" for the tea pot since she couldn't reach the sink). And they ALL went in the pool. It was cold, but they all had a great time! Abi is usually a little nervous in the pool, but she wanted to be part of the action so she went for it. I can't wait for the girls t learn to swim this summer! Amanda has no fear of the water. I gave her a little ring and showed her how to float in it and now she picks it up, puts it over her head, steps down to the second step and jumps in holding onto the ring. That girl is all over the pool in that thing! She thinks she can just jump in anywhere.

These girls are both a ton of fun and it is so wonderful to see them shine in their own ways and to just jump into the fun, wherever and whenever. They are just so excited just to be together with everyone. So nice. Tomorrow will be a shock when they realize that they are no longer here. But tomorrow Amanda turns 2!!!! So another distraction to kind of ease the sadness of the cousins leaving.

I am currently baking a cake in the shape of Strawberry Shortcake, per Amanda's request. I will let you know how it turns out!

Sweet Girls

So I want to take a moment to let you see the sweet girls that I have. I know I have written about some of the trials we have been having, but I want to tell you just how sweet these girls really are. This morning, Amanda and Abi were having a little conversation. When Amanda suggested something to Abi, Abi let her know that was okay, but maybe they could do something else instead. I don't remember what they were working out, but Amanda's response was, "Oh, that's a good idea, Abi" while lightly and lovingly stroking Abi's face. Abi then stood up and gave Amanda a big hug and a kiss and off they went. THIS is how they are most of the time. Amanda can't wait to see Abi in the mornings, greets her with a hug and kiss (along with everyone else) and Abi is the same with about Amanda, especially when Amanda wakes up from her nap. If Abi were taller, we wouldn't have to get up right away - she would get Amanda out of her bed!! They really and truly love each other and are seriously the sweetest girls on the planet. The trials we are experiencing are trials most parents face at one point or another.

And have I mentioned how thoughtful they are of each other? If I have one out at the grocery and the other is home, if we get a balloon the one with me always asks for a balloon for her sister. Or if someone gives one of them something, they are concerned about not having something for the other. Abi is particularly aware of this. I had Abi out one day and someone gave her a sticker. She said to me (after telling them thank you), "Oh know! We don't have one for Amanda!" Whomever it was so impressed with her thoughtfulness that she gave her another for Amanda and then gave her 2 balloons! I think we were at Party City. Abi is so very thoughtful and loving.

I am really blessed with these girls. They are so sweet and thoughtful. I think sometimes that is what makes isolated incidents seem so much worse! Because you don't expect them. However, they are children. These things happen. They happen to adults! :-D

Knowing vs. Believing

This one is a personal wall. Let m start out by saying this. I am not writing this to get accolades and thins of that nature. This is simply something I am admitting to more than myself in order that I might work toward knocking this wall down. Now, onto my thoughts of today....

Here is what I know. I need to take care of myself. I should and can work toward feeling good about myself. Confident. Looking and feeling healthy. I know I am worth taking care of. That I should feel confident about who I am, the body I have and working toward feeling as confident in my own skin as I did pre-children. But I am stuck. I try, but get the same plateau every time and can't get any further. Is it that I can't? No way. I don't believe that. There is something deep inside me that is telling me I don't have the time or don't deserve it. I am not sure what that is, but I have to focus on this wall and figure out how to address it so that it can be torn down. I have flashbacks to episodes of The Biggest Looser where Jillian gets in their faces, screams and pierces through that wall. Creates the tiniest pinhole in the wall there it begins to break the strong foundation that has created this obtrusive, undeserving wall. And then that wall just begins to crumble!! As much as I like to think everything would just be better if Jillian Michaels came knocking on my door and began screaming in my face while kicking my butt in the gym, I know that is not true. Although I would love to sit and talk with her one day about her experiences. This is something bigger. Something that only God can see. This is going to require some deep, focused prayer and silence in order to listen for, understand and overcome this wall of "no confidence." This wall of "undeserving." This wall that is so deep I have yet to scratch the surface. When I think of how many wall I have overcome with the help of Christ, How patient my husband has been through all of that, I keep thinking to myself, "this is just another wall. It can come down like the others." The difference with this wall is that I don't know the source of the foundation. I don't know the pain that began building it. The others were not as deep and I knew the basis of those. This one is going to take a lot more work to overcome. I have a feeling it is a pain so deep that I truly don't even know it right now. Something I have erased from my mind altogether. I don't like to bring things like that back to surface. And maybe it isn't so deep. Maybe THAT's why I can't see it. Maybe I am looking too deep! Maybe I am over thinking everything. I would much prefer that avenue. That makes me feel lighter even as I type!

So, this post is a random thought process of where I am in this moment. The bottom line is this: something is holding me back. Something within myself. I am not totally free. There is something, whether great or small, that I have not yet given to Christ. Something I have not laid at the cross. I have a list of excuses a mile long, but the bottom line is nothing is impossible. There are challenges along the way, but we can overcome. My excuses are null and void. Pretty lame as I think about them right now. Excuses that have carried me for about 3 years now. I need to have a "no excuses" approach to taking care of myself and feeling like I have worth as an individual. That I deserve to feel confident in my own skin. And I want to find the Joy in the moment!!! I want to live each day seeing and living the Joy that each day brings, not depressed about how I feel about myself. That only make me feel worse and effects how I react to the girls and my wonderful husband.

So getting off the bench! Or at least figuring out how to get off the bench. Discovering the source and overcoming!! Because of the cross, the victory has already been won. God did not call us to live lives of depression. To live life feeling poorly about yourself. We are created in the image of Him. He created us to love life, love Him and love each other. He has won this victory for me. I just need to believe it. Not just say it and know it, but truly believe it.

What a Night!

Now most times, that would be in reference to a great night! However, our night was not so great. Sweet Abi. She is trying to work her way out of daytime naps. the problem is that she just needs more sleep than that. She is a child who desperately needs a nap during the day. But what can you do? You can't make a child sleep. Even if she goes into her room for nap time, she never sleeps. just plays until Amanda wakes up. On the days Abi actually falls asleep, she will sleep for 2 1/2 to 3 hours! She wears herself out until there is no other option than to pass out. Well, tonight was a night where she just completely collapsed. WOW! We actually wondered where Abi went tonight! Surely this couldn't be our sweet girl.

Well, she was fine through dinner. Then bath time came. Now you know how bath time usually goes if you read the last blog. Tonight was no exception. Although it seemed to be worse. Mark helped out and did the whole bath tonight (he actually does bath time a lot - he's a HUGE help) because I am exhausted from not sleeping well last night and am also feeling like I am coming down with something. Now that I say that, maybe Abi is too! Something for me to now keep in mind. Anyway, 6 o'clock came and she was a mess. Couldn't stop crying, screaming, yelling, talking back.... I am sure you now know where this is going if you read my blog from yesterday. I gave her warnings about talking back and yelling, being disrespectful and then the moment of truth came. Out came the bar of soap. She screamed, "You can't do that because it is so yucky!" I barely got the tip of her tongue and rubbed a tiny bit. I wanted it to be principle, not torture. I wasn't out to coat the entire tongue. Just a taste on the tip. Well what I thought couldn't get worse got worse....

Things started flying all over the bathroom. The toothpaste got thrown across the room, her toothbrush followed suit, I turned on the water and gave her a cup to rinse her mouth out and the cup went flying. I was actually very cal through this part. I quietly explained that I was trying to help her rinse her mouth out. I then put some water in the cup and handed it back to her. The cup of water went across the bathroom! Oh no she didn't!! That is when I lost it. I yelled. I totally lost my cool. Not my proudest moment, and a few moments I will never get back. I hate when I do this! What does yelling solve? Absolutely nothing. GRRRRRR. I am so mad at myself! Then I handed Abi a towel and told her she had to clean up her mess. Then the towel went flying! I handed it back to her and told her to clean her mess and not only did she throw the towel again, she put her hands in the water and "threw" it! She made an even bigger mess. Enter daddy - the calm one who takes her out of the room to calm her down. I also leave so that I can calm down. I think my blood pressure was through the roof. I went and read to Amanda.

When we finished reading a couple of books, we came back out to the family room to see if Abi was ready for bed. Now, mind you, it was 6:34 p.m. when I came out to get her for bed. She was just starting to calm down and when she saw me she lost it all over again. Although it was because she wanted some snuggle time with me. We snuggled (while jealous Amanda also started crying) and talked about what happened, that we were going to brush teeth and then go to bed. Mark this time took Amanda outside to calm her down while I talked to Abi. I am telling you, I don't know what I would do without Mark. He is such a HUGE help and blessing. Mark then finished getting Amanda ready for bed while I helped Abi who started crying and screaming all over again. I put her in bed and traded with Mark. Then I calmed Amanda down while Mark calmed Abi down. Finally, by 6:55 both girls were in bed. So an hour of full our screaming drama.

I so pray that Abi grows out of this no sleeping phase. I have no idea what time she will be awake in the morning, but it is usually early. And she went to bed 45 minutes to an hour early. Only time will tell and we will handle that tomorrow. I just don't know how to help her. It is so hard to see your child going through something and feel so helpless. I know she doesn't mean to be disrespectful. She is seriously the sweetest girl EVER! And let's face it - we all have these times. I had one tonight too! It is all part of learning, and I am reminded tonight that we never stop learning and working to correct our weaknesses. My goal now is to learn to keep my own self control so that I can show my girls a better, more effective way of handling things in life. I need to be able to take the same deep breath that I ask them to do. I need to step out of the way to breathe before I lose it. It is so much example. Sometimes I watch my girls and how they handle something and I think, "Wow! That was really great! I want to be like that." And other time I see it and think, "WOW!! I need to pull myself together and do a better job of reacting/responding." It is all a learning process. i am constantly amazed at how much our children reveal in us. How our faults are brought to surface for all to see. And how God allows us to see them and gives us the opportunity to fine tune and correct. to become a better example of Him. What an honor. And so humbling.

What Was She Thinking?

The other night, we were going through our regular bath time/bedtime routine. The girls were in the tub washed and ready playing. Actually playing together! NICELY! That is a very RARE occasion these days. They love each other and, most of the time, play really well together.... during the day. Then they get to the tub. It is like there is something in the water!!! Really? As soon as their toes touch the water they are fighting, yelling, pinching, hitting, biting..... Really?? I am thinking about giving them separate baths! I digress.... back to the other night.

The other night they were actually playing nicely in the tub! I was in the other room getting pj's and putting a couple of cups in the dishwasher and all of a sudden I hear Abi sounding like she is gagging.... almost throwing up...

I run in panicked and ask, "Are you okay? Abi, talk to me! Are you okay??!?!?"

She starts crying, "It is so yucky! I can't get it out! Wash it!!!"

Me: "Wash what? What happened??!?"

Abi: "Mommy!!!! Help me!!"

Me: "Help with what? What happened??!?"

Now Amanda is watching our conversation like an intense tennis match. Not saying a word. Taking it all in, although SHE knew exactly what happened. Not helping her sister out at all.

Then I look at what Abi is holding in her far hand:

No folks, this is NOT a dental mold. Abi took a bite out of a bar of soap!! I quickly asked, "Where is the other piece?!" 1 - because I wondered if she had actually eaten it (I mean she was crazy enough to take the bite) and 2 - I didn't want Amanda to eat it. this is what Abi pulled out of the water:

So the obvious question comes spewing out of my mouth without a thought, "What were you doing?!? What were you thinking?!?" And yes, I know I probably could have been a little more calm and sympathetic, but I am still trying to recover from thinking she is choking, sick or something is REALLY wrong!

Abi's answer, while still whimpering: "Well, I was pretending it was candy and pretending to take a bite."

Me: "Pretending to take a bite? Normally pretending doesn't actually involve taking the bite." I am still shocked and now I am wondering how she could have gone through the whole thing before figuring out how gross it really was.

Abi: "It was an accident."

Me, trying not to laugh: "I know, honey. Are you okay? "

Abi: "Yes, but I want to get out. And I can't get it out of my mouth. It is so yucky!" She ends crying again.

Me, sympathy kicking in full speed ahead now: "Okay. Let me wipe your tongue off with a cloth and we'll get out and get dressed." And that is what we did.

Now that everyone is okay, happy and recovered, a parenting moment. See, we have had a horrible time with Abi talking back, being very disrespectful in speech toward others, mostly mommy and daddy... you see where this is going. Here is what I talked to Abi about after we had all recovered and I was brushing her golden locks:

Me: "Abi, I am so glad that you are okay. How did that soap taste?"

Abi: "Mommy, I didn't like it AT ALL."

Me: "I am so sorry that happened. But you remember the taste?"

Abi: "Yes."

Me, very calmly: "Well, I don't want you to forget that taste and here's why. If you continue talking back to mommy and daddy and speaking disrespectfully toward mommy and daddy, I am going to wash your tongue with that bar of soap."

Abi: "Mommy, you can't do that."

Me: "Why not?"

Abi: "Because it is too yucky!"

Me: "Well, maybe you will think before you speak and take a breath first in order to be respectful."

Abi: "Okay, Mommy."

A breakthrough moment! She has been SOOO much better! And as soon as she says something she shouldn't, she looks at me and says, "Oops. I'm sorry I said that mommy" or "I mean ......." So, purpose in everything. A silver lining with the bite of soap. Still can't believe it, but I am now thankful :-)

My Computer Is Back!!!

I have so much to write! And some pictures to upload. I have not had my computer for about a week, so I will be sure to post lots this week! Assuming I have it all week. I am sharing it with my awesome hubby and when he needs it for work or trips, I have to postpone my posts. I will get the pictures off the camera and be back tomorrow (I hope!).

It's good to be back :-)